money mindset

As I was relaxing in the hot tub tonight, with my glass of wine and a good book, I got off on an interesting train of thought. Interestingly enough, it stemmed from the storyline of the book I was reading. It's one of that epic fantasy series. About ordinary everyday folk who become heroes and save the world. The thing that jumped out at me tonight was the whole thing of going back to their roots, who their family was, where they were from, and being heroes in that respect. One character is the king of a dead country, and goes off to fight a war against the shadow on behalf of that country - unknowingly inspiring others of his countrymen to ride along with him. And the stories of other characters are similar. The point is, it got me thinking about my own heritage, where I have come from, and what I'm going to do with it.

The first thing that jumped to mind was money. It's been one of my pet topics lately, but frankly, it's been something that has plagued my family for literally generations. I remember discussing it with my dad one day. We were discussing the religious or spiritual aspect of it, but I remember a comment he made about other more distant relatives, particularly my great grandfather and great uncle, and how we hear about these great opportunities they have making lots of money, but next thing we know, they're broke, or close to it, and looking for another opportunity. And they never seem to break out of that cycle. In this particular conversation, we were talking about a "spirit of poverty" over our family - again, the spiritual aspect - and how it needed to be broken (through prayer, faith, declarations, etc).

So I started thinking about this tonight and immediately compared it to my more recent experiences and learning. I was in the whole religious/spiritual circle for a while, and believed that pretty much everything was the result of or caused by an evil spirit or demonic power. Now I'm not saying that that isn't the case, but I've since seen things and learned things that have made me go hmmmm. For instance, let's look at the secular parallel to this "poverty spirit" thing...

In spiritual circles, like the one I was a part of for a number of years, poverty is caused by a demonic spirit, a "demon" if you will that subjects a person or people to this particular condition. The way to get rid of it is to pray, command it to leave, and have faith that it has left, or is leaving. This is all fine and good, but in essence, it leaves the control and power in the hands of someone other than me. Even if I pray, command it to leave, and have "faith" that it is so, if it doesn't happen, I will simply think that for whatever reason either a) it isn't God's will at this time (there's a lesson for me to learn in this poverty still) or b) I'm not praying hard enough or don't have enough faith. Either reason leaves me with very little power and very little substantial information to work with.

The secular parallel brings a new light to things. Instead of there being a "spirit of poverty" or "demon of poverty", there are unsupportive mindsets and beliefs. Practically speaking, this means that I have grown up with beliefs about money that support poverty. For myself, some of these beliefs include, "You have to work hard for your money", "You have to get a good job to pay your bills", "Rich people are greedy and likely did something evil to get their wealth", "You should only have what you need to survive" or "It is noble to be poor." These beliefs weren't necessarily spoken ver batim, but they were certainly implied, particularly in the religious part of my upbringing. Incidentally, the reason I was taught these things, was that the people who taught them to me were themselves taught that by someone else. I'm certainly not placing blame on anyone here. But the fact of the matter is that this is what I was taught regarding money.

My family never seemed to have quite enough money. It didn't matter what job my dad worked, or didn't work. Things stayed the same. And I still see it in myself and in my family today. We're running our own businesses, working for ourselves now, and yet where is that "extra" money that we've always dreamed of? When do the bills stop and the money for me begin? Is this speaking to you?

Do you remember when I talked about financial thermostats? This is what it all boils down to. When I was comparing the "spiritual" and "secular" views (which really aren't as different as they'd like to think...), I realized that this thermostat is exactly what's going on. And here's the major difference I found between the spiritual and secular: the spiritual leaves the control and the responsibility in God's hands, while the secular puts the control and responsibility in my hands. Now, there's nothing wrong with believing in a higher power, be it God, the Universe, or whatever you choose to call it. But the problem that I see, is that with religion, if something doesn't happen, people say it must not be the will of God. There must be a lesson to be learned by it not happening.

Here's what I think. Yes, there is a lesson to be learned - but it has nothing or very little to do with God or what he wants, and it has absolutely everything to do with you and what you want. You can pray, command spirits, and have faith as much as you want, but if it doesn't happen, who is to blame? Is it God? Or is it you? Here's what I am learning: I (and only I) am in control of my life, my destiny, and what happens to me. I am the one who chooses how to respond to circumstances and situations. I am the one who chooses how to spend my time and my money. I am the one who chooses how far I will advance financially, personally and professionally. I am the one who shapes my own destiny. It is my choices, my beliefs, and my attitudes that either limit or expand where I will advance and where I will fall short. I am not a victim, I am in control of my own life and my own circumstances. I am the only one who has the ability to take a situation that seems really shitty and turn it into a great opportunity by the way I respond to it.

As soon as I take responsibility for my own life and my own circumstances, that is when I am free and can do whatever I want! The sky is the limit once you have truly taken responsibility for your own life. Then it doesn't matter what anyone else does to you, says to you, or thinks of you, because you are in control of your own life. And in my opinion, this is where religion is lacking. As long as you have "someone" to fall back on, to place blame on, you will never be able to truly take responsibility for your own life. And if you cannot truly take responsibility, then you cannot truly be free to create your life the way you want it. Religion is too quick to "blame" the "will of God", and to say that if it doesn't happen, it is because it is not the will of God.

So all of that being said, this is what I intend for my destiny in relation to my heritage to be. Right now, today, on the 3rd day of December 2008, I, Jessica Webb, take full responsibility for my actions, my words, and my life, right down to every little situation and detail. I am no longer a victim, but I am in full control of my life and my destiny. I create my life the way I want it to be, and no one can stop me by what they do, think or say about me or to me. I am successful and prosperous in all that I do, because I do it to the best of my ability and do not give responsibility to anyone or anything else. I am breaking the pattern of poverty and blame, I am turning those negative, unsupportive beliefs into positive, life-changing beliefs and habits. My destiny is to not only experience wealth for myself, but to let it cascade down to my family and all of those in my circle of influence. This is what I choose to do with my heritage, and what I choose to leave as my legacy and inheritance.

seminar psychology

Jon and I spent the weekend at a Millionaire Mind Intensive conference in Chicago. I will get into more details on my thoughts, insights, and more in other posts, but to start, I found some fascinating parallels between this and other seminars and conferences that I have been to.

I've attended a fair number of conferences over the last few years. During my early-early 20s, I was heavily involved in the religious/spiritual scene and attended numerous prophetic conferences, and have since attended other "secular" ones on topics such as internet marketing and developing a millionaire mind. I find the parallels fascinating - and in some cases disturbing. (Now don't get your knickers in a knot. I realize there is a fairly broad spectrum of people in my readership, and some of you will likely be offended - relax. Please. I am not attacking you or your beliefs. If need be, let's agree to disagree, okay?)

Most of these events are charged by hype and energy - which is not a bad thing. Where the problem comes in is when you get carried away by it. Energy is good - energy is GREAT. Energy is what gets you results, and you cannot and will not be successful without it! I love the energy at these things! But I am learning to also go in with a healthy amount of skepticism. Skepticism is also a good thing - as long as it doesn't develop into cynicism!

This event that we attended over the weekend contained some major hype and energy. The topic was about developing a millionaire mind - which included things such as recognizing and replacing un-supportive beliefs that you have about money, identifying opportunities to become wealthy (no matter what the economy is like), and learning how to make your money work hard for you - instead of you working hard for your money! The major focus was on changing the way you think and learning to think like a rich person instead of a poor person. Rather powerful, actually. There was some very good information presented, and I definitely learned some valuable things to apply in my own life.

What I found fascinating was the parallels between this conference and the christian/"prophetic" ones I used to attend. Guess what? There are some surprising similarities! Let's start with the "fear factor"...

Perhaps the most disturbing thing to me was this element of fear. This is a common thread at all of these things! The speaker/presenter uses fear very well to manipulate the crowd. It may be a fear of not having money, or working hard all your life only to find that you can't retire, or retirement isn't what you thought it would be. It may be a fear of darkness, demons, the devil, hell. It may be a fear of not being good enough, a fear of not measuring up to what others are doing (others around you, or the people in the examples they use). It may be a fear of sickness and disease, or a fear of poverty. It may even be a fear of being stuck in a boring religion, or a fear of spending the rest of your life just paying bills from paycheck to paycheck.

Or how about the fear of missing something at the conference itself? I've felt that one! They like that one. You are encouraged right from the beginning to be open, to not worry about what people around you think and to participate to the fullest degree that you can. You are told that if you don't, you won't get the most that you can out of it and you will miss something that could change your life. This may in fact be very true - whether it is true or not isn't the point. But it is a common theme at all of these things, and is used to get the response that the speaker wants, whether it be "coming to Jesus", signing up for another course, purchasing products, or whatever the case may be. The great evangelists wield it like a weapon, with their elaborations on hellfire and demonic possession. After all, who does want to go to hell, or be possessed by a subtle, yet deadly, demon?

I'm not quite sure where I stand on the tactic myself. I think it can be good to a point - after all, it is good to realize where we really stand, and to recognize problems or issues in our lives that we want to change. But how ethical is it to use that fear to manipulate people? Looking back on my experiences, I can recognize some of the ways that manipulation influenced me. The majority of the time, they provided a fix, or showed you the way to the fix, and things were great - for a while. But after coming down from the high of the conference, how often did I really hang on to that change? And how often did I give a donation, buy a product, or sign up for something as a result of that manipulation?

Another common theme is the testimonials, stories and examples. No one knows how many of them are even true, or how many have been embellished to make the point they want to make. The speaker has often been through some very trying time - a physical infirmity, a life of drug addiction, the loss of everything good in their life, or some such fantastic story and experience. Drastic and dramatic situations and stories suck people right in. We sympathize, empathize, feel sorry and want to help in any way we can. It gets our guard down and makes us much more likely to want to do what the person suggests or asks.

Or how about the speakers who have been where we are? The speaker at the conference this weekend mentioned many times how he started right where we were sitting. IN FACT, he sat in the very back row in the corner - sound familiar? In other words, he was the BIGGEST skeptic in the place - and he was convinced, so it must be the way to go! This follows suit in the other conferences as well. The speaker will tell how they were the biggest skeptic, the one who came in only for a few minutes, determined that they would leave before it had barely begun, or how they were dragged there by someone else. And of course, now they are up on the stage. They were convinced and sold on it. Or they will bring out their mentees, people who also sat where we are sitting and who decided they wanted to be trained by these people, and are now doing crusades all over the world, or are making $20,000 per weekend teaching seminars. Again, a common theme across the board!

Or, how many times have you been to some such big event where they DIDN'T ask you for money or try to sell you something? There is nothing wrong with selling, promoting, asking for donations. Don't get me wrong on that. Although it would be refreshing to attend an event where all they did was offer information, training, teaching and try to help you, without any promoting, selling or asking for donations. There are always people who want to buy the products, or donate to the cause, without being manipulated and pressured into doing so. And it is very possible to give them the opportunity, without promoting, selling, or asking for donations.

Which leads me to my last common theme: the pre-sell. We noticed it big time at this conference. They did provide some excellent teaching and information, but a lot of it was just "teasers", and you could always tell when they were leading up to another sale, because the information they promised was really good, something you really wanted to know - and it would turn into just a teaser, with more promised if you attended the particular course they were promoting. The pre-sells were always looong, they would spend about half the session talking about it - without really talking about it, trying to get you hooked. Now it's not always this bad, of course. But let's take a look at the christian version: the offering appeal. These can get incredibly flowery and drawn out at conferences! They will do a whole little mini-sermon before the offering, all about giving and how it is better to give than to receive (more about that in my next post) - and if you are paying attention, you can see it coming from a mile away! You can pick up on the clues and go, oh, look, here comes the offering, 30 minutes before they actually pass around the basket or bucket to collect. They will tie in some great points, some teaching, some "promises" of what you will or may get back. Their goal? To get everyone pumped up about it and wanting to give when the basket comes around. And how many of those people will later feel manipulated and "talked out" of their money?

Again, there's nothing wrong with giving, donating, buying, etc. But it seems to me that it would be much better to let people do so of their own accord, their own idea, and feel good about it much later, than to manipulate them, make them feel guilty about it, or tease them into it. In the long run, sure, you've got their money - but you sure don't have their trust!

Fascinating, isn't it? Perhaps a bit disturbing, as it was for me, to realize this. But here's the lesson I took away from it: don't check your mind at the door! Yes, do go into it with an open mind, ready and willing to learn everything you can to apply in your own life. Do participate, get excited, experience the energy. But don't leave your mind at the door! Don't be sucked into the hype. Realize that they do use these tactics, and don't make an impulse decision that you will later regret. Leave your money, credit card, etc outside, don't even take it in with you! You can always purchase or donate later, when your head is clear and you know that it is what you want, and what is right for you. With that out of that way, you can enjoy yourself and get everything that you can out of the meeting.