bareback and barefoot

It's been far too long since I went horseback riding - but it's like riding a bike: it doesn't matter how long it's been, you get back on and it's natural, feels like it hasn't been very long. I could do it with my eyes closed - it feels like home!

It was rather nice to get back on my beautiful Bonnie. I love that horse. And I've missed riding her. Sigh. There's something about the feel of a warm horse, and the smooth motion of a nice trot or lope.

It took me back to the days when we used to go riding all the time. It was our life! Dixie and I would go even when it was freezing cold out - we'd bundle up, and maybe wouldn't go for as long as we normally would, but we'd still be out there! When we lived in Kitwanga, we lived right by a river, and we'd go and ride up the river, or across to the field on the other side. There were all kinds of places to ride around there!

My teenage years were spent on the back of a horse. We had crushes on local guys that we'd see when we were out riding - we'd watch for them to drive by. Typical teenage crushes. We'd ride into town to the store, or the post office. We were almost a part of the scenery, and well-known by the locals. The Webb kids, or the Dixie-Chicks as we were later nicknamed.

There is something so relaxing and peaceful about seeing the world from the back of a horse. No stress, no worries about work or business, no need to even think about any of that stuff. It's just you, and the horse. I've always been a fan of bareback riding too (no saddle), and have seen my share of messy jeans. The best is during the summer, on a warm sunny day, when you can leave the shoes as well! Barefoot and bareback - ahhh, the simple pleasures of summer!

It's been very nice to get back to a simple, laidback lifestyle, even if just for a week. Makes me more determined to get my life more simplified, and get out of the city. There's a lot to be said for fresh air! I can't get over how very good it is to breath in the smell of forest and farm again!

bird's-eye view

I got to go for a plane ride today - not a commercial plane, but a little two-man plane. Big difference. And what a view! I was a wee bit nervous, having never been up in a little plane, but it was fantastic! I loved it! The nose-overs were a bit, ummm, stomach dropping, but even that was a bit exhilarating. Not quite as terrifying as a roller coaster. And pretty amazing to see the valley from that high in the air! So beautiful! We went up the Kispiox quite a ways - would have taken close to 2 hours to drive out that far and back, but only took a few minutes in the plane. Pretty sweet stuff! I would definitely do it again!

Watch for pics and videos from the flight when I get to another internet connection - as I used up too much bandwidth uploading pics on my parent's connection the other night. Oops.

The trip is going well. I am managing with the cold, although my feet are chilly. My next vacation needs to be somewhere WARM! It has been oh so good to see everyone again though. I did have one person ask me when I was going to "come back home" again - as in move back to the north. I was unprepared and didn't give the greatest answer. I hate it when people ask me that, or make comments about it. What gives them the right to think that I should be here? My response should have been something like, "I am home there, and don't plan to leave any time soon." (sigh) It just drives me crazy when people seem to think they know how my life should be, and that I don't. My "theme" song has become Billy Joel's "My Life". I don't need you to worry bout me cause I'm alright, I don't need you to tell me it's time to come home... I don't mind people caring about me, or wanting me to be happy and successful - that's normal and part of being a friend, family, etc. It's the people who think I'm not in the right place that bug me. Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone... What gives them the right to decide where I belong? I'm sure they think they got that info from God (knowing the person who said it), but to me it seems so very arrogant and judgmental. They don't even so much as take the time to talk to me and see how I'm doing! And to think that I was similar to that not so long ago... Oye...

I am already looking forward to getting back to Ontario. How sad is that? I still have a loong drive to get back to Calgary though. Will be kinda nice to do a road trip by myself. I'll be able to listen to my audio books and get all pumped up about business and new things to try. That's always fun! Will get me back in Windsor in a great frame of mind!

cold vacations

Perhaps I shouldn't even be calling it a vacation. Vacation to me means warm, sunny, relaxing... And this certainly isn't all of those! Alberta is COLD, and so far the trip has held a fair amount of stress and fatigue. But then again, it HAS just begun! I arrived in Alberta yesterday morning, spend an hour or so on the phone with my credit card company trying to get my card to work for the rental car, then drove to Lacombe, where my bro Salem is going to school. Now I am just hanging out until he is done his last class this afternoon and we can head on out to BC-home. So I still have a 12 hour drive ahead of me before I can really relax - oh wait, I can't relax even then! We'll arrive home around 4am or so, then I have an appointment in Terrace (2 hours away) at 1:30 that afternoon to (hopefully) get my last retainer out. Then off to Prince Rupert (another hour or so) to hang out until Denver's wedding on Friday. Whew!!! Perhaps by Saturday I'll be able to just relax at home - but wait, I have tons of people to visit!

No, I'm not complaining. I'm just wondering why I call it a vacation! ;)

All in all, I am enjoying it so far - other than the rental car/credit card thing. I almost had to turn around and go back to Windsor, since without a car I'm screwed. But besides that, it's good to be out tripping around on my own again. Been a while since I went traveling all by my lonesome!

no need to apologize

I see a common thread in conversations and in relating to people. Everyone apologizes - and most of the time when they shouldn't! I am not excluding myself in this either. I catch myself saying sorry when it is something I should not be apologizing for. In essence, we often apologize for who we are, or for being ourselves. Anyone else have a problem with this?

I apologize if I'm in someone's way - even when I have as much right to be there as they do. I apologize for things I say, when I'm speaking honestly and saying what I really think. I apologize for the way I feel sometimes. What is wrong with this picture?

Frankly, I often say I'm sorry because I don't know what else to say. It just pops out, because I'm so used to saying it, and I don't stop and think about another answer. A clear-cut case of not thinking before I speak! But it's something I want to change. I want to learn to think more before I speak, and to be so confident in who I am that I feel no need to apologize for it!

run, fat boy, run

As "they" say, If you can't love yourself, then how can you expect anyone else to love you? Or, for that matter, how can you love anyone else? This is the one thing that I consider most important for myself. If I can't love myself, and be confident and excited about who I am, then how can I expect to really achieve what I want? I have to first believe that what I want is truly important, and that I deserve to have what I want. And that all stems out of loving me.

I have gotten to the point where I look in the mirror and actually like what I see. And I just love working out in front of the mirror too and watching my muscles and body respond. I tell myself frequently that I am sexy - and I actually believe it!

This is a long way from where I used to be. Particularly my teenage years, were very awkward and depressing. I didn't like how I looked and I didn't feel confident at all with myself. How far I have come since then! I look back over the last ten years and barely know the person I was then. I still have plenty of growth and development ahead of me, but if the next ten years are even half what the last then were, then I look forward to even greater leaps and bounds, because I now have a fantastic foundation to build on!

Jon and I watched a fabulous movie last night that got me really thinking about the next steps to take in my personal development. Run, Fat Boy, Run is one of the best movies I have seen in a long time (Iron Man is the other one). It is a comedy, with a really great message that stuck right with me. Usually I see these movies and sure, I see the message, but it doesn't necessarily personalize for me. This one did. I could relate to the character far too well! Like Dennis Doyle, I have often tended to run from things and give up when the going gets tough. As I watched him run that marathon, and finish, I thought, That is what I need! I need to do something extremely physical, that takes every ounce of determination and persistence I can possibly muster to finish.

So I'm starting with a workout program. And I'm giving myself a set amount of time - three weeks, which will take me up until my BC trip. I am going to watch my diet, take vitamins and protein shakes, and work out hard. When it comes to physical stamina and strength, I have tended to be a wimp, but no more!

The last month or so I've been really struggling with motivating myself, and have been fighting off depression and discouragement. My life was starting to feel so cluttered and scattered. I realized I needed to change something, but wasn't sure what. Part of the problem was that I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore - not clearly enough to really go for it, at least. This movie, and the determination and inspiration that it brought me, has given me something to work toward, something to put my energy into. Now I need to sit down and write some specific goals for the next three weeks, and I'll be on my way!

I still don't quite know what I want for my business, or other areas of my life, but I feel like I at least have something to put my heart into, and I know the rest will come. And I've got a great coach for this start, as well. Jon picked me up some vitamins and protein powder, and we're both going to be working on a menu to help us eat better - and he's good for suggestions for workouts too. I don't know if he'll go so far as to get out a spatula, like Dennis Doyle's coach did, but I know he'll be there when I need him, to encourage and even prod me along. And to point out the results as he sees them. Ah, I am blessed to have him in my life!!

My next personal development challenge - which I may take on at the same time - is to be more confident in interacting with people, to carry myself with more confidence and to learn to communicate with extreme confidence - especially in tense situations!

Look out world, here I come!