Do you ever feel like you just need to bitch to someone? I try to be positive and think positive and all that good stuff, but sometimes I just need to bitch and get it all off my chest! So this is going to be a bit of a bitching post, okay? Don't let it get you down or anything - let it go in one ear and out the other, or don't read it at all. This is therapy for me.
I had quite the night at work Tuesday. I worked with one of the girls that I don't usually work with, and have actually never worked with just her. It was bad. I came away from the shift asking, "How the hell has she not been fired yet?" She is that bad! She did all of the cleaning and everything way too early - putting the soup away and cleaning up the kitchen 2 hours before it was supposed to be done - which then means if we get food orders, it has to be re-done. Not very smart. And all night it was like that. I did hardly any cleaning, because by the time it was time to do it, she had already done it too early. She dumped the coffee, put away the pastries, half cleaned the bathrooms - all too early. I didn't know what to do or say. I didn't want to be a bitch to her or tell her not to do stuff early. It's not like I'm her supervisor or anything. I didn't want to be a "tattle tale", but what was I supposed to do? So I told one of the managers about it - and she was pretty upset, though glad I told her, because she'd been hearing about other problems with this same girl. Finally at the end of the night, she turned off the open signs 10 minutes early - which is a huge no-no. I finally said something to her, made a comment about how it was only 10-to, and she didn't have a response to that. It was rather frusterating for me, because I didn't want to do a big confrontation and talk to her about it, especially with customers in the shop, but it didn't feel right to just let her do everything like that either. Talk about a tough situation to be in! So the end result, was that I told the manager all about it, and she is going to see what she can do about it. She wants to try to "catch her in the act" so that she doesn't put the ones of us who have talked to her in an awkward position, which is nice, but honestly, if I owned the place, that girl would've been gone a while ago! She certainly made me appreciate working with someone else the next night!
And then there's the whole bus scene. I'm getting soo fed up with it! I waste at least an hour every day that I work waiting for and riding the bus, when if I just had a car I could get there quicker and not have to wait around after work. It doesn't help that it's winter and is cold either. I get done work between 9 and 9:30, but don't get home until 10:30, even though it's only a 15 minute car ride. Frusterating. Very frusterating. Add to that the nausea. I get carsick on the bus and it's rather miserable. I was doing alright for a couple weeks there, was able to read on the bus and everything, but now it's back to being horrible. I try to read and it just makes it worse. I get off the bus feeling like I'm about to hurl. Again, frusterating! It is one of my least favorite feelings in the world! I would rather be actually sick or have a cold than be nauseous! It's just such a yucky feeling. So thank goodness I won't be at this job too much longer! It looks like I'll be on the Self Employment Assistance Program by the end of March - which means I will be working full time on my business and quitting the cafe job. And no more nasty long bus waits or rides! Not only that, but summer is coming and I'll be able to bike and walk places more - and hopefully have a car fairly quickly as well.
Okay, now that I've done my bitching, it's time for some positive thoughts. I am feeling better about my living situation. I have gotten my room more organized and cleaned up, and everything looks and feels neater and less chaotic. I am still sleeping on the floor, but I have a little stack of bedding that I sleep on and can roll up and put up out of the way during the day, so it is liveable - at least for now. Once I get into the SEA program I should be able to start looking for my own apartment again - which will be wonderful! It's nice to save money on rent and all, but I miss having my own space, my own kitchen and bathroom, cleaning up after just myself - all that good stuff! And I would LOVE to have some space for an office/artsy corner, where I can have a desk and a table and counter space for sewing and stuff. I'm going to get a sewing machine here sometime and start doing more of that kind of stuff. I love doing things with my hands and making cool things that I can use or wear. I just don't have the room to do much of that kind of stuff right now.
So overall, things are actually going pretty well. I'm off to Toronto for the weekend, so expect a blog or two or three about that. Will be wonderful to see some new sights and experience a new city. I'm looking forward to going on an adventure by myself again. Been a while since I went on a trip alone. Will be nice to do some wandering and exploring, just me. And of course, I'll be hanging out with Nate as well, so I won't be alone the whole time.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
after-church rituals, memoirs of an extinct childhood
The one thing I liked about church when I was little - and even when I was "older" - was the social aspect. I will admit I often found the sermons boring and long, but I loved seeing my friends and playing with the kids after church while our parents chatted. Sabbath school was alright, although even that tended to be a bit dry and repetitious, but it was the after church social time that I lived for! As soon as church was out, we'd be out on the playground, or up on "the rocks". The church and church school were on the same grounds, so there were a swing, slide, merry-go-round and jungle gym in the field next to the church. Up on a hill on the same property was what we called "the rocks". It was a big rock, with hazelnut bushes beside it, wild strawberries on the hill leading up to it, and ant hills everywhere. When the weather was nice, we'd be up there, eating strawberries, picking hazelnuts, bugging the ants, playing king of the hill or some other such kids games. It didn't matter if we were wearing our "sabbath best". I'm sure our mothers felt just a bit nervous about that, but we didn't care.
If we weren't at "the rocks" we were running around the church and school, or playing on the playground. We'd play hide and seek and tag or some combination of the above. We'd be out behind the church, up on the back steps, or out on the swing set. We'd find the first ripe wild strawberries of the season, or the first dandelion. Saskatoons were another favorite that were plentiful during the summer.
Sometimes we'd venture over onto the Shoops' or Blabeys' places - they were members of the church - looking for strawberries, or just a bit of a different setting. We were amused by the simplest things and games. We were content running around out in the field or among the trees, and always disappointed when our parents called us to go home.
Another part of the after-church ritual was trying to get our parents to invite someone over for lunch - or hoping to get invited somewhere else! We'd go to the Boyds' or the Andrews' or the Densmores'. The most common was going to my aunt and uncles, or they'd come to our place, or we'd all go to my grandparents place. My cousins were like brothers, because we saw them so much. Or sometimes we'd all go to the Andrews' and us three families would all hang out. All of us kids had a great time, and the Andrews had a pretty nice place for kids to play on. So we kids would be trying to arrange all this or get in on it after church, in our own little kid ways. And there was always the rides to arrange. If we were going to someone's house, we wanted to trade around so everyone could ride together. Most of us lived at least a little ways out of town, so it was a fair amount of time that we'd get to spend together. We'd trade a couple of the older kids for a couple of the younger kids, or girls for boys, or some such thing, however we decided to do it that day.
As we got older, there wasn't a lot that changed. We didn't go out on the playground, or up to "the rocks", as much, but there was still the political-social aspect. I liked church because of my friends. We'd sit together and write notes back and forth during the sermon, and there was still the "arranging", trying to get someone to come over or get invited somewhere else. We were good at "arranging" and "hinting". When I was a teenager, the favorite was to get our girl friends to come over and go horseback riding after lunch - although I sometimes felt like I was being used because we had horses. But maybe that was just teenage insecurities.
I got an email from Mom the other day, sending me a message and pictures from Whitney, my littlest brother who is almost 7. Part of the email was about these deer antlers that he found out behind the church one day. It made me sweetly nostalgic to realize that my younger syblings are now doing the same thing we did when we were kids - out exploring and playing after church. Maybe we never found deer antlers, but we definitely found our own treasures, and I was happy to realize that the younger ones are experiencing the same simple pleasures that I had when I was a kid. Hard to beat those after-church rituals!
If we weren't at "the rocks" we were running around the church and school, or playing on the playground. We'd play hide and seek and tag or some combination of the above. We'd be out behind the church, up on the back steps, or out on the swing set. We'd find the first ripe wild strawberries of the season, or the first dandelion. Saskatoons were another favorite that were plentiful during the summer.
Sometimes we'd venture over onto the Shoops' or Blabeys' places - they were members of the church - looking for strawberries, or just a bit of a different setting. We were amused by the simplest things and games. We were content running around out in the field or among the trees, and always disappointed when our parents called us to go home.
Another part of the after-church ritual was trying to get our parents to invite someone over for lunch - or hoping to get invited somewhere else! We'd go to the Boyds' or the Andrews' or the Densmores'. The most common was going to my aunt and uncles, or they'd come to our place, or we'd all go to my grandparents place. My cousins were like brothers, because we saw them so much. Or sometimes we'd all go to the Andrews' and us three families would all hang out. All of us kids had a great time, and the Andrews had a pretty nice place for kids to play on. So we kids would be trying to arrange all this or get in on it after church, in our own little kid ways. And there was always the rides to arrange. If we were going to someone's house, we wanted to trade around so everyone could ride together. Most of us lived at least a little ways out of town, so it was a fair amount of time that we'd get to spend together. We'd trade a couple of the older kids for a couple of the younger kids, or girls for boys, or some such thing, however we decided to do it that day.
As we got older, there wasn't a lot that changed. We didn't go out on the playground, or up to "the rocks", as much, but there was still the political-social aspect. I liked church because of my friends. We'd sit together and write notes back and forth during the sermon, and there was still the "arranging", trying to get someone to come over or get invited somewhere else. We were good at "arranging" and "hinting". When I was a teenager, the favorite was to get our girl friends to come over and go horseback riding after lunch - although I sometimes felt like I was being used because we had horses. But maybe that was just teenage insecurities.
I got an email from Mom the other day, sending me a message and pictures from Whitney, my littlest brother who is almost 7. Part of the email was about these deer antlers that he found out behind the church one day. It made me sweetly nostalgic to realize that my younger syblings are now doing the same thing we did when we were kids - out exploring and playing after church. Maybe we never found deer antlers, but we definitely found our own treasures, and I was happy to realize that the younger ones are experiencing the same simple pleasures that I had when I was a kid. Hard to beat those after-church rituals!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
polar bear music showcase
Went out to a concert/showcase thing last night. One of the guys I work with was playing there, so I wanted to go hear him and thought it would be a nice night out. Jon came, and Heather and Rod as well. A bit of a double date, I guess. We went for dinner and drinks before at Chanosos downtown, then to the theatre for the show. There were a bunch of different artists who performed, some of them pretty good. I was really impressed with Adam, the guy I work with. He has a really unique, cool style and everyone seemed to like him. I had never heard his music before and was kinda surprised at how good he is.
Watching the different artists last night kind of made me wish I could be up there. As terrifying as that would be, it would be exhilerating as well, to be part of the music, singing or playing, part of a band. I wish I could write cool songs too...
So it was a fun night out. I had a good time and I think the others did too. Maybe not Rod so much... lol. Poor guy wasn't feeling too good. Was nice to dress up and go out, though. I love being able to do that every once in a while.
A bunch of the people I work with were at the show as well. Was fun to see them outside of work. I went over to say hi during intermission. I work with some pretty cool fun people.
And that's my story for tonight.
Watching the different artists last night kind of made me wish I could be up there. As terrifying as that would be, it would be exhilerating as well, to be part of the music, singing or playing, part of a band. I wish I could write cool songs too...
So it was a fun night out. I had a good time and I think the others did too. Maybe not Rod so much... lol. Poor guy wasn't feeling too good. Was nice to dress up and go out, though. I love being able to do that every once in a while.
A bunch of the people I work with were at the show as well. Was fun to see them outside of work. I went over to say hi during intermission. I work with some pretty cool fun people.
And that's my story for tonight.
Friday, February 22, 2008
i dream of...
A few weeks ago I got a couple books from the library on dreams and interpreting and understanding them. The books just kinda sat there, unread, for several weeks. I renewed them, but didn't want to bother going to the library to return them yet, and kept thinking maybe I would read them yet before taking them back. About a week ago I started actually getting into one and reading it - because I was out of good fiction to read. lol. And boy oh boy has it ever turned out to be good! The author stays away from giving images and symbols specific meanings, and instead shows you how to figure out what they mean specifically for you and your life. The whole process involves asking yourself what the dream was all about, describing each person or thing involved and the feelings associated with them, how you felt toward them in the dream. A key to doing this is to describe the elements of the dream as if you are talking to someone from another planet who has no idea what a car is, or any other object or element. The jist of it is, you start to see parallels between the dream and a situation in your waking life, or an aspect of your personality, or whatever the case may be. (The book is called In Your Dreams and is written by Gayle Delaney, for any of you interested in checking it out.)
This book is drastically changing the way I look at my dreams. I first got the book because I seem to have really bizarre, fucked up dreams. I wake up going, what the hell was that? So I decided it was time to see if I could get some insight into my dream life. And it's working, now that I've finally gotten into the book. I've started to analyze my dreams, the way she suggests, and I am seeing things that make me go, Okay, uhh, wow! I am getting more excited about my dreams than I ever have before, and am seeing how much they can teach me about myself and my life! Where before I was seeing my dreams as some kind of fucked up fantasy or something, now I am beginning to see symbolism, metaphors and far deeper truths that really speak to serious parts of my waking life. Most recently, I am seeing things in my dreams having to do with relationship issues I've been having, and I'm going holy crap, so that's what my dream is saying - it makes sense now!
So I highly recommend this book, if you're at all interested in finding out what your dreams are all about. I find it utterly facinating, as it is a glimpse into my subconscious mind.
Here's a bit of an amusing dream that I had a couple nights ago. I was at a Pita Pit with one of my cousins. I walked in and couldn't really see anything because it was so much darker in there than outside, so I had to let my eyes adjust before I could even read the menu to decide what I wanted. Once I could see, I decided to get a gyro pita - which is actually one of my favorites when going there. So I ordered a gyro and the guy started making it - except it wasn't a gyro. It was a hotdog, and it only cost a buck something, while I knew the gyro I wanted should be much more than that. So I said something, told the guy it wasn't what I wanted and asked if they had real gyros there. I thought he finally understood what I wanted, and another guy came up from the back to make my sandwich. I went and sat down with my cousin while he supposedly made my pita and when it was ready I went up to the counter to get it. Once again, it was not what I wanted! It was a sub sandwich of some sort. A huge monster, several feet long, with cheese and pepperoni or something - not at all what I had ordered or wanted! So I said something, and I said it forcefully. I was like, Hey, this is not what I ordered! Don't you guys have gyro pitas anymore? What's going on here? Isn't this supposed to be Pita Pit? Or something like that. I really went off and told them exactly what I thought and felt and how frusterated and unsatisfied I was.
Now the interesting thing is that in real life I don't do this. If I get something that's not quite what I ordered, I don't say anything, I just go with it. I might be disappointed, but rather than make a fuss, I go with it. But in my dream, I stood up for myself and what I wanted, I told them exactly what I thought of their service and their inability to give me what I ordered.
I found it facinating to analyze this and see how in my dream I was able to do something that in my waking life I need to learn to do. My subconscious mind was telling me that I need to stand up for myself and what I want - and not just go with the flow when someone messes up on my order. Not to be a bitch about it - in the dream, I wasn't being a bitch, I was calmly stating that this was not what I ordered and I wasn't satisfied - but to simply, calmly stand up for myself more and not let myself get pushed under. This has implications in other parts of my life too, not just in ordering food. I see parallels in my relationships, in my job, in my every day life and it just blows me away to be able to pull this out of a dream that before I would have thought was some crazy fucked up fantasy.
This book is drastically changing the way I look at my dreams. I first got the book because I seem to have really bizarre, fucked up dreams. I wake up going, what the hell was that? So I decided it was time to see if I could get some insight into my dream life. And it's working, now that I've finally gotten into the book. I've started to analyze my dreams, the way she suggests, and I am seeing things that make me go, Okay, uhh, wow! I am getting more excited about my dreams than I ever have before, and am seeing how much they can teach me about myself and my life! Where before I was seeing my dreams as some kind of fucked up fantasy or something, now I am beginning to see symbolism, metaphors and far deeper truths that really speak to serious parts of my waking life. Most recently, I am seeing things in my dreams having to do with relationship issues I've been having, and I'm going holy crap, so that's what my dream is saying - it makes sense now!
So I highly recommend this book, if you're at all interested in finding out what your dreams are all about. I find it utterly facinating, as it is a glimpse into my subconscious mind.
Here's a bit of an amusing dream that I had a couple nights ago. I was at a Pita Pit with one of my cousins. I walked in and couldn't really see anything because it was so much darker in there than outside, so I had to let my eyes adjust before I could even read the menu to decide what I wanted. Once I could see, I decided to get a gyro pita - which is actually one of my favorites when going there. So I ordered a gyro and the guy started making it - except it wasn't a gyro. It was a hotdog, and it only cost a buck something, while I knew the gyro I wanted should be much more than that. So I said something, told the guy it wasn't what I wanted and asked if they had real gyros there. I thought he finally understood what I wanted, and another guy came up from the back to make my sandwich. I went and sat down with my cousin while he supposedly made my pita and when it was ready I went up to the counter to get it. Once again, it was not what I wanted! It was a sub sandwich of some sort. A huge monster, several feet long, with cheese and pepperoni or something - not at all what I had ordered or wanted! So I said something, and I said it forcefully. I was like, Hey, this is not what I ordered! Don't you guys have gyro pitas anymore? What's going on here? Isn't this supposed to be Pita Pit? Or something like that. I really went off and told them exactly what I thought and felt and how frusterated and unsatisfied I was.
Now the interesting thing is that in real life I don't do this. If I get something that's not quite what I ordered, I don't say anything, I just go with it. I might be disappointed, but rather than make a fuss, I go with it. But in my dream, I stood up for myself and what I wanted, I told them exactly what I thought of their service and their inability to give me what I ordered.
I found it facinating to analyze this and see how in my dream I was able to do something that in my waking life I need to learn to do. My subconscious mind was telling me that I need to stand up for myself and what I want - and not just go with the flow when someone messes up on my order. Not to be a bitch about it - in the dream, I wasn't being a bitch, I was calmly stating that this was not what I ordered and I wasn't satisfied - but to simply, calmly stand up for myself more and not let myself get pushed under. This has implications in other parts of my life too, not just in ordering food. I see parallels in my relationships, in my job, in my every day life and it just blows me away to be able to pull this out of a dream that before I would have thought was some crazy fucked up fantasy.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
mr cutie
I call my littlest brother Mr Cutie, and as you can see from this and the other email I shared, he is definitely that! Got this one from Mom tonight and it totally cracked me up. I couldn't stop laughing at the line about him waking up the babies. lol. I'm not putting the pictures on here tonight. Might get to that tomorrow - at least the ones of Destiny, as they are pretty cute too.
"Here are some pictures that Whitney wants you to see. The first one is his male mouse and the second one is his female mouse...she just had babies, so he got moved to a different cage cause last time he [the male] ate the babies! We don't know how many babies she has yet...afraid to look in case of upsetting the mother. Last time Whitney would "wake" the babies up and so this time he is not looking for a week.
"Then the last two pictures are Destiny, "wearing" the deer antlers that Whitney found out behind the church on Sabbath. They are very fresh and there were deer tracks out there so you could see that the deer shed them right there! Pretty rare to have two shed in the same place. Whitney is pretty proud of them and has polished them up with neatsfoot oil so they are very shiney. Well, that's it for an update on Whit's life."
"Here are some pictures that Whitney wants you to see. The first one is his male mouse and the second one is his female mouse...she just had babies, so he got moved to a different cage cause last time he [the male] ate the babies! We don't know how many babies she has yet...afraid to look in case of upsetting the mother. Last time Whitney would "wake" the babies up and so this time he is not looking for a week.
"Then the last two pictures are Destiny, "wearing" the deer antlers that Whitney found out behind the church on Sabbath. They are very fresh and there were deer tracks out there so you could see that the deer shed them right there! Pretty rare to have two shed in the same place. Whitney is pretty proud of them and has polished them up with neatsfoot oil so they are very shiney. Well, that's it for an update on Whit's life."
memoirs of an extinct childhood - sandbar afternoons
Saturday was Sabbath in my family and many Sabbath afternoons were spent on the sandbar by the Mitten bridge. We'd come home from church, grab lunch, change clothes and head over to the bridge - which was only a 5 minute drive from our farm. There was a bit of a pullout along the gravel road that we'd park in - there would often end up being as many as three vehicles - and a trail leading down a steep bank, through a bit of brush and down another sandy bank to the sandbar. Throughout the brush were cranberry bushes and, if it was the right time of year, you could grab a handful of sour, red cranberries on your way down. We'd trek down the trail with our picnic lunch, blankets, swim clothes, lifejackets and whatever else we needed for the afternoon.
My cousins, the other Webbs, were usually there, along with the Andrews, or maybe the Densmores. Lunch would be eaten on the sand, with a fire going, maybe a blanket or something to sit on. If someone wasn't able to change at home, they would use a vehicle or the cover of a bush. It was a very simple, rustic and delightful way to spend an afternoon.
Lunch would be something made up the day before, or something easily thrown together. Potato or taco salad, haystacks, vegetarian roast, gluten burgers, sandwiches or vegetarian hotdogs roasted over a fire built on the beach, with cobbler, crisp or something yummy for desert. It would be eaten right there on the sand, with a blanket or rocks to sit on.
The bridge spanned the Kispiox River, and this particular sandbar was right where a small section of the river rejoined the main stream, after a slight detour around to create a bit of an island. It was a small creek, shallow enough to easily wade across, unless it was in spring flood. Further up the creek there was a bit of a pool that was deeper, and the bravest would attempt to swim there. The water was achingly cold, though, and no one could stand it for very long. So we would wade, maybe float down the creek a little bit, look for salmon or minnows and other interesting water creatures, or unusual looking rocks. There was also plenty of sand to build castles, rivers or whatever our imagination created!
We would often cross the creek, over to the "island", to walk along the rock strewn shore, looking for cool rocks, or a new place to play. We might all, adults included, attempt the crossing for a stroll on the other side.
Many hours were spent at this spot, enjoying a sunny summer afternoon. The food always tasted better when eaten outside - and our appetites were invariably voracious, since we'd have to wait longer for lunch. I can still picture it in my mind. I see the sandbar, the trail leading up through the bush to the road, the sand sloping down toward the creek and the river rapids further under the bridge. I see the pool in the creek, with dead logs, huge rocks, a gentle current carrying the water back to its river source. I can feel the cold of the water, feel the ache in my feet from wading in it for so long. I feel the sand under my toes - how long has it now been since I walked barefoot in sand? I can almost hear my mom and aunt in conversation, sitting on a blanket on the sand, and I can picture my dad and uncle standing looking at the rapids, perhaps talking about canoeing them. I see a baby or toddler, someone's younger sybling, playing on the beach, covered in sand from head to toe.
After an afternoon in the sun, sand and water, we would often make our way back to someone's house - ours, or my aunt and uncle's when they lived out there - for supper. Usually fruit salad and popcorn. I'm sure my mom could tell you better about the sand and mess carried into the house, and about how grimy we all were from playing in the sand and water. I remember being tired, exhausted, ready to go home - but always ready to come back again another time!
My cousins, the other Webbs, were usually there, along with the Andrews, or maybe the Densmores. Lunch would be eaten on the sand, with a fire going, maybe a blanket or something to sit on. If someone wasn't able to change at home, they would use a vehicle or the cover of a bush. It was a very simple, rustic and delightful way to spend an afternoon.
Lunch would be something made up the day before, or something easily thrown together. Potato or taco salad, haystacks, vegetarian roast, gluten burgers, sandwiches or vegetarian hotdogs roasted over a fire built on the beach, with cobbler, crisp or something yummy for desert. It would be eaten right there on the sand, with a blanket or rocks to sit on.
The bridge spanned the Kispiox River, and this particular sandbar was right where a small section of the river rejoined the main stream, after a slight detour around to create a bit of an island. It was a small creek, shallow enough to easily wade across, unless it was in spring flood. Further up the creek there was a bit of a pool that was deeper, and the bravest would attempt to swim there. The water was achingly cold, though, and no one could stand it for very long. So we would wade, maybe float down the creek a little bit, look for salmon or minnows and other interesting water creatures, or unusual looking rocks. There was also plenty of sand to build castles, rivers or whatever our imagination created!
We would often cross the creek, over to the "island", to walk along the rock strewn shore, looking for cool rocks, or a new place to play. We might all, adults included, attempt the crossing for a stroll on the other side.
Many hours were spent at this spot, enjoying a sunny summer afternoon. The food always tasted better when eaten outside - and our appetites were invariably voracious, since we'd have to wait longer for lunch. I can still picture it in my mind. I see the sandbar, the trail leading up through the bush to the road, the sand sloping down toward the creek and the river rapids further under the bridge. I see the pool in the creek, with dead logs, huge rocks, a gentle current carrying the water back to its river source. I can feel the cold of the water, feel the ache in my feet from wading in it for so long. I feel the sand under my toes - how long has it now been since I walked barefoot in sand? I can almost hear my mom and aunt in conversation, sitting on a blanket on the sand, and I can picture my dad and uncle standing looking at the rapids, perhaps talking about canoeing them. I see a baby or toddler, someone's younger sybling, playing on the beach, covered in sand from head to toe.
After an afternoon in the sun, sand and water, we would often make our way back to someone's house - ours, or my aunt and uncle's when they lived out there - for supper. Usually fruit salad and popcorn. I'm sure my mom could tell you better about the sand and mess carried into the house, and about how grimy we all were from playing in the sand and water. I remember being tired, exhausted, ready to go home - but always ready to come back again another time!
a conglomeration of randomness
Goodmorning, dear faithful readers! ;-) And it is indeed a good morning. The sun is shining, the sky is clear - which means it's effin cold, but still beautiful and invigorating. I hit the gym this morning, after too many days off. The long weekend messed me up, and then I had to work yesterday morning, so it was like four or five days without. Felt good to get back to the grunting and sweating. lol.
It was nice to walk into the gym this morning and have the girl at the front desk say, "Go ahead, Jessica!" Yes, the morning staff knows who I am now - and I've only been going for a week. She's pretty good. Nice to not have to pull out my card every morning, though. And some of the bus drivers know me too. Apparently I ride the bus a lot. lol. It's nice to have a driver remember you and remember your stop. I guess it makes me feel like I matter enough to be recognized. And it's always nice to mattter.
So I went to see Jumper last night. Not a bad movie, actually. I rather enjoyed it - and my nachos. The only thing I would've changed would be to have thought of going sooner so I could've caught an earlier show. I went to the 9:25 one, which meant I didn't get home til 11:30 or so, which is a bit later than I like. But other than that, it was a good experience! My first movie with just me, and I didn't feel like a depressed loser. lol. Maybe because it was my choice to go by myself. I could've found someone to go with, but I wanted to go alone. That does make a difference. It was a bit lonely - I missed having someone to laugh with at the funny parts - but it was actually really good for me, and I think I'll have to do it more often...
A "long-lost" sorta-cousin found me on facebook the other day. I remember him from when I was little - like 15 years ago - but hadn't really heard much about him since then. Pretty cool that he found me, and I am enjoying exchanging emails and getting caught up. It's a bit sad that life tends to "disconnect" us from people we once knew and hung out with, but always enjoyable to get back in touch again. Frankly, I know I could extend the time and energy to keep in touch with absolutely everyone - every extended family member, family or childhood friend - but it's just not a priority for me. I can barely keep in touch with my immediate family and a handful of friends from back home, let alone everyone. But I'm okay with that. And that's that. Facebook is excellent for getting in touch with old friends/family, though. I've heard from more than one person that I hadn't heard from in years through facebook. I like how it keeps you up to date, without having to expend too much time or energy, as well. It's easy to drop a quick note on someone's "wall", and not have to write out a whole email or make a phone call. Am I lazy? No, I don't think so. I just don't have the time to spend on things that aren't a priority for me.
Speaking of priorities and spending time... Have you ever been at a point in your life where you changed direction - maybe reorganized your priorities, changed jobs, set some new goals - and felt like you were leaving your friends behind? Or maybe they just took a different branch at the last crossroad? I am feeling that a bit right now, and have definitely been there in the past as well. It's hard for me to know how to really handle it, because I'm not one to just ditch friends and stop hanging out with them, but at the same time, I know where I want my life to go, I know what I want to do and what I want to accomplish, and I am going to head in that direction, whether it's the same direction as my friends or not. But how do you balance that? I find my time being filled with new things, different things. Instead of going out every weekend, I'm spending more time working on my business, getting up early to go to the gym, and going to bed earlier. This really changes the way I interact with my friends - and I've found myself "ditching" them more than once in the last while. I'm not quite sure how to juggle it all. I know what I want with my life. I know I want to be getting up and going to bed earlier because I feel better when I do. I know I want to grow my own business and start traveling. I know I want to be doing more networking with other local business people. But I have some good friends that I want to be able to hang out with too - just not late at night (unless I'm having an emotional/mental crisis). I want to do more than go and hang out at bars. Maybe I need to do some brainstorming and come up with some ideas for things do that would be different... Any suggestions? I miss the days of doing things like playing soccer or red rover - or good old fashioned tag, going swimming at the lake, horseback riding, hiking, sledding, having a bonfire - that was what we did with friends growing up.
Okay, now I'm into the reminiscing stage... I know I have some readers from my family and home, who grew up with me, so this is for you. Remember the Sabbath afternoons down by the Mitten bridge? Playing in the sand and the achingly cold water? Remember the time our dad's canoed down the river and dumped - and we had to eventually go looking for them cause they didn't show up? Or how about those summers spent camping, going to the lake in the evening, picking strawberries, haying, gardening, building forts? I think it's time to start those memoirs...
It was nice to walk into the gym this morning and have the girl at the front desk say, "Go ahead, Jessica!" Yes, the morning staff knows who I am now - and I've only been going for a week. She's pretty good. Nice to not have to pull out my card every morning, though. And some of the bus drivers know me too. Apparently I ride the bus a lot. lol. It's nice to have a driver remember you and remember your stop. I guess it makes me feel like I matter enough to be recognized. And it's always nice to mattter.
So I went to see Jumper last night. Not a bad movie, actually. I rather enjoyed it - and my nachos. The only thing I would've changed would be to have thought of going sooner so I could've caught an earlier show. I went to the 9:25 one, which meant I didn't get home til 11:30 or so, which is a bit later than I like. But other than that, it was a good experience! My first movie with just me, and I didn't feel like a depressed loser. lol. Maybe because it was my choice to go by myself. I could've found someone to go with, but I wanted to go alone. That does make a difference. It was a bit lonely - I missed having someone to laugh with at the funny parts - but it was actually really good for me, and I think I'll have to do it more often...
A "long-lost" sorta-cousin found me on facebook the other day. I remember him from when I was little - like 15 years ago - but hadn't really heard much about him since then. Pretty cool that he found me, and I am enjoying exchanging emails and getting caught up. It's a bit sad that life tends to "disconnect" us from people we once knew and hung out with, but always enjoyable to get back in touch again. Frankly, I know I could extend the time and energy to keep in touch with absolutely everyone - every extended family member, family or childhood friend - but it's just not a priority for me. I can barely keep in touch with my immediate family and a handful of friends from back home, let alone everyone. But I'm okay with that. And that's that. Facebook is excellent for getting in touch with old friends/family, though. I've heard from more than one person that I hadn't heard from in years through facebook. I like how it keeps you up to date, without having to expend too much time or energy, as well. It's easy to drop a quick note on someone's "wall", and not have to write out a whole email or make a phone call. Am I lazy? No, I don't think so. I just don't have the time to spend on things that aren't a priority for me.
Speaking of priorities and spending time... Have you ever been at a point in your life where you changed direction - maybe reorganized your priorities, changed jobs, set some new goals - and felt like you were leaving your friends behind? Or maybe they just took a different branch at the last crossroad? I am feeling that a bit right now, and have definitely been there in the past as well. It's hard for me to know how to really handle it, because I'm not one to just ditch friends and stop hanging out with them, but at the same time, I know where I want my life to go, I know what I want to do and what I want to accomplish, and I am going to head in that direction, whether it's the same direction as my friends or not. But how do you balance that? I find my time being filled with new things, different things. Instead of going out every weekend, I'm spending more time working on my business, getting up early to go to the gym, and going to bed earlier. This really changes the way I interact with my friends - and I've found myself "ditching" them more than once in the last while. I'm not quite sure how to juggle it all. I know what I want with my life. I know I want to be getting up and going to bed earlier because I feel better when I do. I know I want to grow my own business and start traveling. I know I want to be doing more networking with other local business people. But I have some good friends that I want to be able to hang out with too - just not late at night (unless I'm having an emotional/mental crisis). I want to do more than go and hang out at bars. Maybe I need to do some brainstorming and come up with some ideas for things do that would be different... Any suggestions? I miss the days of doing things like playing soccer or red rover - or good old fashioned tag, going swimming at the lake, horseback riding, hiking, sledding, having a bonfire - that was what we did with friends growing up.
Okay, now I'm into the reminiscing stage... I know I have some readers from my family and home, who grew up with me, so this is for you. Remember the Sabbath afternoons down by the Mitten bridge? Playing in the sand and the achingly cold water? Remember the time our dad's canoed down the river and dumped - and we had to eventually go looking for them cause they didn't show up? Or how about those summers spent camping, going to the lake in the evening, picking strawberries, haying, gardening, building forts? I think it's time to start those memoirs...
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
teh jess needs a vacation
I've been saying it for months, but have not done anything about it yet. I keep thinking I can't afford it - which may very well be true - or I keep waiting for Jon and I to go away somewhere together. Whatever my excuse, it's been over a year since I went anywhere really out of Windsor and it's time for that to change. So, I've booked it. I marked the days off on the calendar at work, checked into train tickets and am going to go and get my Via Rail ticket in the morning to go to Toronto for a weekend. A friend is going to hook me up with a place to stay for a couple days and probably show me around a bit too, plus I'm going to spend some time just wandering around and checking out things by myself. It's going to be a weekend for me to recharge and see and do something new.
I thought about taking the Greyhound, since it's cheaper, but when I actually checked prices it's not that big of a difference, and then I stopped and thought about it. I have never rode on a train. Since this is my weekend to do something new, I guess a train ride is an excellent place to start. Sounds good, right?
So it may not be the warm, sunny beach I was picturing, but it will be a vacation none-the-less. I'm pretty excited about it too. It's been a while since I went on an adventure all by myself. It definitely feels like it's time to stretch those wings of independent adventure again - even if only for a weekend.
Along with my upcoming vacation, I am also going to see a movie by myself tonight. I may find it depressing. I've never gone to see a movie by myself. But I think I will kind of enjoy it. Maybe. I'll let you know. I decided that I need to get out of the house more, instead of just sitting here all night alone and bored. So why not go see a movie, even if I don't have anyone to go with me at the moment? Can't hurt. Plus, it's cheap Tuesday at the theatre...
I thought about taking the Greyhound, since it's cheaper, but when I actually checked prices it's not that big of a difference, and then I stopped and thought about it. I have never rode on a train. Since this is my weekend to do something new, I guess a train ride is an excellent place to start. Sounds good, right?
So it may not be the warm, sunny beach I was picturing, but it will be a vacation none-the-less. I'm pretty excited about it too. It's been a while since I went on an adventure all by myself. It definitely feels like it's time to stretch those wings of independent adventure again - even if only for a weekend.
Along with my upcoming vacation, I am also going to see a movie by myself tonight. I may find it depressing. I've never gone to see a movie by myself. But I think I will kind of enjoy it. Maybe. I'll let you know. I decided that I need to get out of the house more, instead of just sitting here all night alone and bored. So why not go see a movie, even if I don't have anyone to go with me at the moment? Can't hurt. Plus, it's cheap Tuesday at the theatre...
Monday, February 18, 2008
tea adventures of teh jess
I decided to walk downtown tonight for some tea. Needed to get out of my tiny room and get some fresh air, so I bundled myself up, grabbed my book, and headed out. Stepped outside and it was such a beautiful night that I decided to take the scenic route - along the river. What a beautiful night! Clear sky, moon shining, the Detroit skyline all lit up. It was fabulous! Cold, but fabulous. I need to just go out walking like that more often. It's good for me. I do some thinking, clear my mind, and give myself pep-talks. Seriously, if it wasn't for my self pep-talks, I wouldn't be who and where I am today! It's those moments when I clear my mind and get serious and honest with myself that give me the courage and strength to go on and live life.
One thing I asked myself tonight was, "How good can it get?" Then I stopped and went, "Whoa, wait a minute... Yeah, how good can it get?" My immediate response to that question was, "Well, let's find out!" If I can live each day with that attitude - Let's see how good it can get! - imagine what life would be like? Going into each day looking for it to get good - how could it help but to be great? Life is what you make of it, right?
So I went and had my tea, but by the time I was walking back it was colder, snow was blowing, and the wind was right in my face - so the walk back wasn't quite as leisurely and enlightening - other than the fact that I discovered that Tim Horton's doesn't have my favorite cookies anymore. Yes, I was sad about that. Stopped in to get some for a treat and what do ya know? No more peanut butter chocolate chunk. And the Chocolate chip caramel ones are now different and cost more. So much for my cookie treat. I was disappointed! But I suppose my body will be greatful...
So that's my little venture for the night. I came back home feeling refreshed, confident, and ready for a hot shower and bed. Goodnight, faithful readers!
One thing I asked myself tonight was, "How good can it get?" Then I stopped and went, "Whoa, wait a minute... Yeah, how good can it get?" My immediate response to that question was, "Well, let's find out!" If I can live each day with that attitude - Let's see how good it can get! - imagine what life would be like? Going into each day looking for it to get good - how could it help but to be great? Life is what you make of it, right?
So I went and had my tea, but by the time I was walking back it was colder, snow was blowing, and the wind was right in my face - so the walk back wasn't quite as leisurely and enlightening - other than the fact that I discovered that Tim Horton's doesn't have my favorite cookies anymore. Yes, I was sad about that. Stopped in to get some for a treat and what do ya know? No more peanut butter chocolate chunk. And the Chocolate chip caramel ones are now different and cost more. So much for my cookie treat. I was disappointed! But I suppose my body will be greatful...
So that's my little venture for the night. I came back home feeling refreshed, confident, and ready for a hot shower and bed. Goodnight, faithful readers!
pain
I don't handle pain very well. Never have. Doesn't matter if it's physical, mental, emotional - I basically respond the same way. I curl in on myself and grab whatever I can to make it stop. Painkillers, something to keep me busy, something to dull my mind and dull the pain. But that only numbs the symptoms. It doesn't actually heal the hurt - and can very often make it worse.
What is it with human beings and pain? It is probably the one thing that we all fear in common - PAIN. We fear it in different forms - rejection, torture, falling, failing. It's all pain in some form. And humanity can't stand pain. We do whatever we can to dull it or avoid it. Am I right?
Is pain what makes life what it is? If we didn't have the pain and the struggles, would we become the people we are? Would we see the success if not for the failures and challenges? Would we see the happiness if not for the tears and heartache? Or is that just my limited earth-perspective talking? For those who believe in God and Heaven, there is a future life with no pain, but it's certainly hard to really imagine when this earth is all you've known and pain is a part of your every day life.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying heaven and a perfect afterlife are BS and hooey or anything. But I will confess that I'm not sure about it myself anymore. At the same time, though, the thought of life in this messed up world being the only thing I'll ever know is just a bit depressing. ;-) I'm not too keen on sitting on a cloud playing a harp either. So what's left? What are the other options? Is there more to this existance than everything mentioned above?
Life, the Universe and Everything. We now know the answer to it, thanks to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but what good is the answer when you don't know the question asked? 42 what? (For those of you who are feeling out of the loop and haven't read or seen The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, I highly recommend it...) People have always been searching for the meaning of life, the purpose of life, something to make it worth the pain of living. Some find it in religion, some find it in their career. I guess what matters is that I find what's right for me, what answers the question for me, because in the end, I am the one who will be looking back on my life and seeing what I did and didn't do, how I lived and didn't live.
What is it with human beings and pain? It is probably the one thing that we all fear in common - PAIN. We fear it in different forms - rejection, torture, falling, failing. It's all pain in some form. And humanity can't stand pain. We do whatever we can to dull it or avoid it. Am I right?
Is pain what makes life what it is? If we didn't have the pain and the struggles, would we become the people we are? Would we see the success if not for the failures and challenges? Would we see the happiness if not for the tears and heartache? Or is that just my limited earth-perspective talking? For those who believe in God and Heaven, there is a future life with no pain, but it's certainly hard to really imagine when this earth is all you've known and pain is a part of your every day life.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying heaven and a perfect afterlife are BS and hooey or anything. But I will confess that I'm not sure about it myself anymore. At the same time, though, the thought of life in this messed up world being the only thing I'll ever know is just a bit depressing. ;-) I'm not too keen on sitting on a cloud playing a harp either. So what's left? What are the other options? Is there more to this existance than everything mentioned above?
Life, the Universe and Everything. We now know the answer to it, thanks to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but what good is the answer when you don't know the question asked? 42 what? (For those of you who are feeling out of the loop and haven't read or seen The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, I highly recommend it...) People have always been searching for the meaning of life, the purpose of life, something to make it worth the pain of living. Some find it in religion, some find it in their career. I guess what matters is that I find what's right for me, what answers the question for me, because in the end, I am the one who will be looking back on my life and seeing what I did and didn't do, how I lived and didn't live.
Friday, February 15, 2008
dear jesse
I get the cutest emails from my little brother and sister. Don't talk to them much on the phone, but at least we have email. For those of you who enjoy cute kidness...
Dear Jesse,
Do you know about sharks? Because if you don't like sharks or if you do like sharks or if you don't know anything about them, or if you don't want me to tell you about them, it doesn't matter, because I will.
A Sea Full of Sharks
"Thinking about sharks can make you shiver with excitement."
"A man once caught four sharks all at one time! He pulled in a tiger shark. In its stomach was a bull shark. Inside the bull shark's stomach was a blacktip shark, and inside it was a small dogfish shark!"
Sorry Jesse, I am read out!
Whitney
***
Hi Jesse
How are you? I'm so excited! My birthday is tommow! I wish you could come. Well thats all.
Destiny
***
Hi jess!
How are you? I'm very good and I miss you a lot. I wish you could come home.
Will you come home for Christmas? I hope you will. hehe I do not want a barbie and
underwear for Christmas! I do enjoy the stickers. I'm in grade two. I read
spotted boy and the comanches and now I'm reading the complete tales of
whinnie the pooh. I miss you a lot.
Destiny
***
Hi jess!
you guess the soings I'm going to play for bells.I will give you the first letter for the words.
ok A-W-H-H-O-H and G-R-Y-M-G and O-C-A-Y-F.They are all Christmas carols.I hope
you can do it.I miss you very very much.
Destiny
***
How sweet is that? Whitney is almost 7 and Destiny is 9. I feel like I'm missing out on them growing up, what with being so far away and all. It's been over a year since I saw them now! But I do so enjoy the emails, and the pictures Mom takes and sends me sometimes. Today I got pictures from a family friend who was babysitting them while my parents went out of town for a little get-away. Yes, they are terribly cute - they must take after their biggest sister. ;-)
Dear Jesse,
Do you know about sharks? Because if you don't like sharks or if you do like sharks or if you don't know anything about them, or if you don't want me to tell you about them, it doesn't matter, because I will.
A Sea Full of Sharks
"Thinking about sharks can make you shiver with excitement."
"A man once caught four sharks all at one time! He pulled in a tiger shark. In its stomach was a bull shark. Inside the bull shark's stomach was a blacktip shark, and inside it was a small dogfish shark!"
Sorry Jesse, I am read out!
Whitney
***
Hi Jesse
How are you? I'm so excited! My birthday is tommow! I wish you could come. Well thats all.
Destiny
***
Hi jess!
How are you? I'm very good and I miss you a lot. I wish you could come home.
Will you come home for Christmas? I hope you will. hehe I do not want a barbie and
underwear for Christmas! I do enjoy the stickers. I'm in grade two. I read
spotted boy and the comanches and now I'm reading the complete tales of
whinnie the pooh. I miss you a lot.
Destiny
***
Hi jess!
you guess the soings I'm going to play for bells.I will give you the first letter for the words.
ok A-W-H-H-O-H and G-R-Y-M-G and O-C-A-Y-F.They are all Christmas carols.I hope
you can do it.I miss you very very much.
Destiny
***
How sweet is that? Whitney is almost 7 and Destiny is 9. I feel like I'm missing out on them growing up, what with being so far away and all. It's been over a year since I saw them now! But I do so enjoy the emails, and the pictures Mom takes and sends me sometimes. Today I got pictures from a family friend who was babysitting them while my parents went out of town for a little get-away. Yes, they are terribly cute - they must take after their biggest sister. ;-)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
it's my body
My day started at 6:45 this morning, when my cell alarm went off. I hit the snooze once and was up and going by 7 - dressed, grabbed my gym bag and caught the 7:15 bus to the gym. On the treadmill by 7:30, do the cardio thing for about 15 minutes, then hit the weights. Focusing on my legs this week. And none of the easy light stuff for me. I push myself, I work it! And it feels unbelievably good! I walk out the gym feeling a bit wobbly and sore, but knowing my body is going to be looking great in a couple months. It makes a difference on the rest of my day too. I love being up early. Feel far more productive when I start my day first thing in the morning. And I find that I am so tired at night that I easily fall asleep quickly - none of this lying in bed awake for me! It feels wonderful.
I'm taking yoga twice a week now too. One session is light yoga - breathing, relaxation, meditation and some easy poses, the other session is regular yoga, with the more challenging poses. I've been to two sessions so far, one of each, and am loving it! The hour goes by so quickly, and I am learning to listen to my body. How often do you actually stop and listen to your body, watch your breath, focus on relaxing every muscle in your body? I never do. Until now. And what a difference! I come away from yoga feeling alive and relaxed. I find the meditation fascinating and helpful as well. I've always struggled with trying to "quiet" my thoughts or turn off my mind. The way the instructor described it the other night, though, was really helpful and made sense. Instead of trying to turn off your mind or stop your thoughts, instead, watch your thoughts. As a thought comes into your mind, just kinda watch it and let it pass. I think of it as being an observer rather than a participant. So instead of struggling to clear my mind and stop my thoughts, I just step back and watch them pass.
Balance is another thing to work on with yoga. I want to learn to center myself, to find that center of balance so that I am steady no matter what pose or position I am in. The thing I love about it is that it's all about relaxing into the pose, calming your mind and body and just letting the muscles do their job. You don't have to strain or stretch or force your body into the poses. The whole point is to relax and find your place of balance. I'm too used to straining and striving to do things. It feels good to be beginning to learn to relax into it.
Overall the structure of my day to day life is changing for the better. I feel more productive, more alive and more relaxed - and I've just started! Imagine what doing this continually will be like? If I am feeling this good now, what will I be feeling like in a month or two, or a year? I do have to be careful not to over do it though. I don't want to push myself too hard so that I don't want to do it anymore. I need to pace myself so that I will continue to enjoy it...
I'm taking yoga twice a week now too. One session is light yoga - breathing, relaxation, meditation and some easy poses, the other session is regular yoga, with the more challenging poses. I've been to two sessions so far, one of each, and am loving it! The hour goes by so quickly, and I am learning to listen to my body. How often do you actually stop and listen to your body, watch your breath, focus on relaxing every muscle in your body? I never do. Until now. And what a difference! I come away from yoga feeling alive and relaxed. I find the meditation fascinating and helpful as well. I've always struggled with trying to "quiet" my thoughts or turn off my mind. The way the instructor described it the other night, though, was really helpful and made sense. Instead of trying to turn off your mind or stop your thoughts, instead, watch your thoughts. As a thought comes into your mind, just kinda watch it and let it pass. I think of it as being an observer rather than a participant. So instead of struggling to clear my mind and stop my thoughts, I just step back and watch them pass.
Balance is another thing to work on with yoga. I want to learn to center myself, to find that center of balance so that I am steady no matter what pose or position I am in. The thing I love about it is that it's all about relaxing into the pose, calming your mind and body and just letting the muscles do their job. You don't have to strain or stretch or force your body into the poses. The whole point is to relax and find your place of balance. I'm too used to straining and striving to do things. It feels good to be beginning to learn to relax into it.
Overall the structure of my day to day life is changing for the better. I feel more productive, more alive and more relaxed - and I've just started! Imagine what doing this continually will be like? If I am feeling this good now, what will I be feeling like in a month or two, or a year? I do have to be careful not to over do it though. I don't want to push myself too hard so that I don't want to do it anymore. I need to pace myself so that I will continue to enjoy it...
Thursday, February 7, 2008
matchmaker? no thank you!
How do you tell your "friend" - or more of an aquaintance really - that no, you will not try and hook him up with your single sister? Or rather, how do you tell him WHY you wouldn't do it? Sure, he's not a close friend, but you still don't want to hurt his feelings or tear him down, ya know? But at the same time, there are definite reasons why you wouldn't hook him up with your sister! Come to think of it, of all the single guys I know and am friends with, there is probably only one or two that I would recommend to my sister, or a friend, as a potential "boyfriend" or love interest. I know quite a few that I would actually warn someone away from. What does this say about my choice of friends, or the people I am aquainted with?
I met with a new client this morning. I like new clients, and I like meeting new people - although it's always a little awkward, the first meeting after talking to them on the phone or by email. I always wonder, what is this person going to really be like? The guy I met with this morning is about the same age as me, nice looking guy, nicely dressed, friendly - the kind of person I like to work with. Turns out, he just moved here from BC about 8 months ago, so it felt a bit like meeting someone from home. More work will be nice - and some money to set aside for my car - not to mention another website in my portfolio.
I spent some time at my usual coffee shop hangout yesterday, and met an interesting fellow. He came in a while after I did and sat at the table next to me. He had an apple laptop as well, so we got talking a bit about Mac and how we like it and whatnot. Then the conversation just went on from there. Turns out he writes, stories and whatnot. I happened to be working on Hiram's (my brother) website at the time and he saw the title, That Story Site, and asked about it. The end result was that he is interested in having his story put on the site - which Hiram will be quite excited about, as he's been wanting to get some more authors to share their work on the website. It was rather nice to chat with another writer and have some friendly conversation - as opposed to just keeping to myself and doing my own thing. It's always interesting to meet new people - broadens my experience.
I met with a new client this morning. I like new clients, and I like meeting new people - although it's always a little awkward, the first meeting after talking to them on the phone or by email. I always wonder, what is this person going to really be like? The guy I met with this morning is about the same age as me, nice looking guy, nicely dressed, friendly - the kind of person I like to work with. Turns out, he just moved here from BC about 8 months ago, so it felt a bit like meeting someone from home. More work will be nice - and some money to set aside for my car - not to mention another website in my portfolio.
I spent some time at my usual coffee shop hangout yesterday, and met an interesting fellow. He came in a while after I did and sat at the table next to me. He had an apple laptop as well, so we got talking a bit about Mac and how we like it and whatnot. Then the conversation just went on from there. Turns out he writes, stories and whatnot. I happened to be working on Hiram's (my brother) website at the time and he saw the title, That Story Site, and asked about it. The end result was that he is interested in having his story put on the site - which Hiram will be quite excited about, as he's been wanting to get some more authors to share their work on the website. It was rather nice to chat with another writer and have some friendly conversation - as opposed to just keeping to myself and doing my own thing. It's always interesting to meet new people - broadens my experience.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
self evaluations
"Fools give you reasons, wise men never try."
Just heard this line in a song and it struck me, so thought I'd ad it to the blog entry I was just about to write. It made me think about my own life, and how I often try and give excuses, when really I don't have to. It really isn't anyone else's business why I do or don't what I do. I guess wisdom is knowing when you need to give a reason and when you don't - or at least that's part of wisdom. So often we try and give excuses and reasons, particularly for not doing something that we feel we are expected to, when really it doesn't matter. A simple "yes" or "no" would suffice.
I find myself analyzing me and my ways like this quite often of late. Why do I do or say the things I do? Why do I think like I do? What of these things are an essential part of me and should be kept, and what are just meaningless "fillers" or "defenses"? I'm at a point in my life right now where I am cutting out a lot of needless stuff - physical possessions, habits, spending patterns, time wasters. I am feeling the need to be more efficient with my time and focused with my thoughts and ambitions. How can I get to where I want to be and accomplish my goals and dreams with so much "stuff" weighing me down? From cluttered living space to cluttered thought patterns, I have a bit to clean up.
In this whole process, I have begun setting goals - specific goals. This is something I have never really done before. I always say, "I want this" or "I want to do that", and it's time to start setting specific goals and working toward having and doing those things. I'm starting with a car. My goal is to have one by the end of April. This will require changing my spending habits, working harder to get website clients, and starting my car shopping now so that I know what I want and am ready to go for it once I have the finances in place. It gives me three months to put this into action, and I am confident I can do it. I am fed up with the public transport and the time I waste waiting for and riding the bus - now every ride will be a reminder of what I am working toward and serve as an incentive to work harder toward that goal.
I am also finding that I need to change my living space, modify it and unclutter it. I have been spending more time there and less time at Jon's, which has been good for both of us, but it's not a very good space to spend much time in right now. I need to organize and utilize the space better. I've been sleeping on my little couch because I put the bed up to make more room, and this is not working. So I will be going shopping for a nice foam mattress that I can put up during the day, but will be better for my sleeping habits. And eventually, I will be moving into my own apartment once again.
I joined the gym yesterday. Another self-improvement. I am going to start working out and taking yoga. I haven't started either yet. The first yoga class it tomorrow night, and I'm waiting for a callback to set up an orientation for the gym and a session with a personal trainer to get started on the workout part. Yes, I am serious about this, and I am going to do it right! I know I want to workout and get my body into good shape, but I have no idea where to start, so I figure a personal trainer is a good idea. And I'm excited about the yoga too. I've been wanting to take it for a while, and I think it will be a great way to learn to relax, as well as limber up my body.
Overall, I am feeling quite positive about my life and direction it is going. I feel like I am finally starting to get things together and head in the direction I want to go. It feels good! :-)
Just heard this line in a song and it struck me, so thought I'd ad it to the blog entry I was just about to write. It made me think about my own life, and how I often try and give excuses, when really I don't have to. It really isn't anyone else's business why I do or don't what I do. I guess wisdom is knowing when you need to give a reason and when you don't - or at least that's part of wisdom. So often we try and give excuses and reasons, particularly for not doing something that we feel we are expected to, when really it doesn't matter. A simple "yes" or "no" would suffice.
I find myself analyzing me and my ways like this quite often of late. Why do I do or say the things I do? Why do I think like I do? What of these things are an essential part of me and should be kept, and what are just meaningless "fillers" or "defenses"? I'm at a point in my life right now where I am cutting out a lot of needless stuff - physical possessions, habits, spending patterns, time wasters. I am feeling the need to be more efficient with my time and focused with my thoughts and ambitions. How can I get to where I want to be and accomplish my goals and dreams with so much "stuff" weighing me down? From cluttered living space to cluttered thought patterns, I have a bit to clean up.
In this whole process, I have begun setting goals - specific goals. This is something I have never really done before. I always say, "I want this" or "I want to do that", and it's time to start setting specific goals and working toward having and doing those things. I'm starting with a car. My goal is to have one by the end of April. This will require changing my spending habits, working harder to get website clients, and starting my car shopping now so that I know what I want and am ready to go for it once I have the finances in place. It gives me three months to put this into action, and I am confident I can do it. I am fed up with the public transport and the time I waste waiting for and riding the bus - now every ride will be a reminder of what I am working toward and serve as an incentive to work harder toward that goal.
I am also finding that I need to change my living space, modify it and unclutter it. I have been spending more time there and less time at Jon's, which has been good for both of us, but it's not a very good space to spend much time in right now. I need to organize and utilize the space better. I've been sleeping on my little couch because I put the bed up to make more room, and this is not working. So I will be going shopping for a nice foam mattress that I can put up during the day, but will be better for my sleeping habits. And eventually, I will be moving into my own apartment once again.
I joined the gym yesterday. Another self-improvement. I am going to start working out and taking yoga. I haven't started either yet. The first yoga class it tomorrow night, and I'm waiting for a callback to set up an orientation for the gym and a session with a personal trainer to get started on the workout part. Yes, I am serious about this, and I am going to do it right! I know I want to workout and get my body into good shape, but I have no idea where to start, so I figure a personal trainer is a good idea. And I'm excited about the yoga too. I've been wanting to take it for a while, and I think it will be a great way to learn to relax, as well as limber up my body.
Overall, I am feeling quite positive about my life and direction it is going. I feel like I am finally starting to get things together and head in the direction I want to go. It feels good! :-)
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