the playing place

While working on my author brother's website, I once again read a short story that he wrote for an english class a while ago. This piece tugs at my heart strings and leaves me nostalgic for the "good old days" of childhood. It is from his point of view, written by him, but I too was involved with the playing place - playing and building there even before he was able to walk. Reading this and remembering my childhood makes me sad to have to grow up. It also makes me ask myself, how can I nurture the child still in me now? What am I doing in my life right now to continue building the playing places?

Here is the article.

The Playing Place
--by Hiram Webb, aka AAK Bresh

I grew up in the richest neighborhood in town. My parents called it Hidden Meadows. It was located forty-five minutes form the nearest paved road, and power was a thing provided on necessity by a gas generator. Highlights were canoeing on the lower fields when they flooded in the spring time, and turning out all the lights in the house on Saturday night so that the popcorn popper with its heavy energy draw would not deplete the limited supply. Being young at the time, I narrowly escaped the horrors that my older siblings found in tending our massive garden plots. I was born late enough to escape the hours of poverty where they had nothing to eat but mashed potatoes and strawberries (which they ate together and to disastrous results). Thankfully, I was not too young to experience the making of our first "playing place". Such was the simple name which spring from childhood. The first I remember of the playing place was damming the tiny creek which ran past our house in the spring time, and building bridges over it and roads along it for our toy trucks to drive on. We spent hours there, building and rebuilding, damming and breaking dams. The playing place was like a sand box, except for two things. We would never bend so low as to use unwieldy and uncooperative sand above dirt and clay, and unlike the sand box, our playing place had no walls - no boarders.

When I was six years old, we left Hidden Meadows and moved into town. Suddenly we were a ten minute's drive from the nearest grocery store, and though we still lived in the country with a river on our front door step and a creek at the back, we now had power, running water - even a television, though no signal would ever enter the coils of our ancient brute. VHS was the name of the game. As everything else took a step up in technology, so did our playing place. In the past we had built it quite concentrated, and it never lasted long before someone broke it all up and redid it. This time we chose a wide hillside to build it on, and the roads wound out further and further, now a permanent fixture in the landscape. We had a town with a main street, and country roads which led nowhere in particular. We had power lines, at some points, and my brother set up a credit system with pinecones so that we could buy land from each other. Happily, that did not last long and soon land was free for the taking again. That was the grandest playing place I ever saw. I had a great farm there, stretching over two hundred square feet, on which I grew clumps of quack grass.

That only lasted for five years, though, and then we were moved again. This time we were right in town. The real main street was visible form our house, and for the first time in my life I did not live on a farm, or even in our own house. We were renters. But that did not stop us from following our tradition. We chose the unused hill behind the house, and began filling it with roads once again. For the first time, we experienced the joys of building on hillsides and being careful where we stepped so as not to break our roads out. We lined them with logs to hold the dirt in place, and continued to build with all the enthusiasm we could muster, going before the snow was even melted in the spring to shovel it aside, break up the frozen ground, and plow clean our roads so that our trucks could drive again. By this time, the name playing place was beginning to sound foolish, but with nothing better to call it, we continued the tradition.

And then came the move out of town. My mother had taken enough. She said the town life was getting to us, that our friends were being bad influences on us. Two years after we moved there, we left, moving back out of town. Once again we were on a farm. One of the first things we did was build a new playing place, set on a mound of dirt dug out for the foundation for the new addition to the house. We battled weeds and rocks and laid our roads until they were permanent fixtures in the hill. This was the last playing place I would build. By this time I was outgrowing it. I had discovered the wonderful world of society, school, and video games, and leisure time became scarce. I still went to the playing place on occasion, but not nearly as much.

Today, the playing place is still there, waiting for another generation to discover its joys. My two youngest siblings and their friends, who have never been able to experience the tradition, opted for the sand hill rather then the playing place, and though we tried to correct what we saw as a mistake, they chose sand over dirt anyway. The playing place sits vacated except for one strip of dirt where someone took a hoe to one road in a futile attempt to clear away the weeds. Most of the roads would support a grass fire far sooner then any vehicle, and the 'lakeshore lodge' which we built around a dry hole in the ground now lays under the foundations of a new road we had to build for hauling wood. I am sure I will build many more playing places, down through the years in my life, but they will have to be all in my mind. They will all be unique, adapting to fit the different places I find myself in, but they will never again have the splendor or the innocence of my first four.

cute old ladies

I went to wait for the bus, and there was this little old lady at the bus stop. As soon as I walked into the little glass shelter there, she said, "You should have worn a hat." And she was right. She likely saw me shivering, my teeth chattering because of the cold, and she was right. I should have worn a hat. It wasn't the first time I had thought it, either. So while I stood there shivering and swearing at the cold and the bus for being late, she chatted on about how she had decided to come downtown today - instead of doing things at home - because she had seen the weather forcast for the next couple of days and decided to go while it was still somewhat "warm". Wait a minute, "WARM"?!? Today was anything BUT warm, let me tell you! If it's going to get any colder - oy. I'm ready to fly south with the birds.

But to continue on with the old lady... She was cute. She was telling me about how she'd done the typical housecleaning, then baked an apple pie - then went on about how her son's mother-in-law had sent her this gift basket, with some apples, with the stipulation that she make her an apple pie with the apples - and how she had then complimented her on the apple pie... She was so cute! It made me start thinking about old people and how I never really pay any attention to them or notice them - but there is probably a lot I could learn from them! Not only are they cute, with stories to tell, but they've lived a lot longer than I have and no doubt have a lot of wisdom and life experience to share with us younger folks.

I've been thinking about hibernation - and what a wonderful concept it is. Tuck yourself away somewhere cozy and warm, and sleep until it gets nice outside again. If only I could! It sounds fantabulous! Either that or migrate. Either one would have me cozy and warm - and that's what I care about right now. I'm getting real tired of winter and cold. I'm ready for spring and warmth. Maybe next year I will do some traveling during the winter - and miss the cold altogether! Wouldn't that be nice?

Business is picking up. I am excited about that. I have new clients and potential new clients. I am enjoying meeting new people and working on new projects - and seeing my business grow thrills me to no end! My first newsletter will be coming out for Spideys Web Design shortly as well. Very exciting! :-)

grumpy adventures

I have found myself experiencing unusual moodiness lately. Easily annoyed and hard to motivate myself. Makes for some blah times, and made the most recent girls' night out different than usual. I just couldn't get in the mood to be out. The bartender at the first place was too hyper and I found him obnoxious, then we went to try and play some pool and the tables at the Lawyer were all in use - except for the "L" shaped one. We gave it a try, but there was this group of people who were standing around, right up against the pool table, and had no respect for us trying to play a game - they were even rude when we asked them to move so we could take a shot. It got to the point where it was more frusterating than anything to try and play there. So we called it a game and went to Koko Pellies to finish off the night. The band there was good - I enjoyed that part - but the creepy old guys standing up by the dance floor oggling the girls dancing gave me the heebie jeebies. They were watching Miss Heather, and the way they were looking, and obviously commenting to each other, made my skin crawl and felt very uncomfortable. A couple of guys tried to approach me - and I definitely did not try to encourage them. I felt cold and grumpy. lol. What a way to spend a night out! Oy.

I'm not sure what's going on and why I've been feeling this way. It wasn't just the night out, it's been the last three or four days. Maybe getting out for a shift at the Caffe tonight will help boost my spirits - it often does. I really hate the blahs, though. It's not fun to feel moody and unmotivated - and to feel stuck in that, to not be able to shake out of it...

view from my window

One of the things I like to do while sitting at my favorite coffee shop is to people watch. I sit near the window and watch the people going by on the sidewalk, or the ones coming and going in the shop. People facinate me - and annoy me - and entertain me. I don't have any patience for stupid or annoying people, but I do enjoy observing and analyzing. And sometimes you see those people that just strike you as exceptional people - and they're the most interesting to watch. The ones that strike me are the ones that stand out from the crowd, they have this air about them that says they are confident and unique, that they don't walk the beaten path, but make one of their own. I like to think that I am one of those people as well.

I saw a unique bus driver this morning. I caught the bus to an appointment with a new client, and the driver was this blond chic. She looked like a bit of a ditzy blond, with a funky hair cut, and a voice to match it - the typical blond chic voice. But she was the friendliest bus driver I've seen yet, greeting everyone as they came on, saying goodbye when they got off, just really friendly and personable. A unique person, alright. Made the bus ride more interesting.

It's interesting to think that each person sees things differently. The way I see and observe things is not the same as the way you see them, or anyone else for that matter. The view from my window is completely unique. We all see the same things, but we don't "see" them the same, we don't comprehend them the same or draw the same conclusions. Your impression of that bus driver would probably be different from mine. It's a bit lonely, actually, to think that no one else feels exactly the same way that I do or sees things exactly the same way. I don't want to be exactly like someone else, but at the same time, it's lonely to be totally unique, and to realize that I am completely individual, completely my own person, completely me. That also means that ultimately I am responsible - for my life, my decisions, my attitudes. No one else can dictate my life or direct it. I am fully and completely responsible for what I do, where I go, and who I am. I can be and do anything I want - I have the power to shape my life to be what I want it to be. What am I doing with that power???

here's to you

you've seen me at my best
and at my worst.
you've been there
during the good days
and the bad.
you taught me all you knew
about life and love,
and you modeled
the same the best you could.
you let me make mistakes
though I'm sure it hurt to watch at times.
you built memories
that i will carry with me for the rest of my life,
and you instilled values
and courage
that have already seen me through tough days.
always you have been there.
always you have loved me.
we've had our differences
and likely will again,
but you mean the world to me,
because it was the world that you gave me.
i admire you
appreciate you
thank you
love you
for being the best parents that you could,
and the best that i could wish for!
so here's you to,
for giving me all that I needed,
and more,
for this journey of life.

colasanti's

I'm not the only one who's been thinking we need to get out and do things more. Jon was at the gym this morning and was thinking just that. As a result, he came home and said let's go to Colasanti's! For those of you who don't know, Colasanti's is a greenhouse/petting zoo/neat family place out by Leamington. It was a very nice outing, very affordable. I thoroughly enjoyed the petting zoo! lol. Yes, I am aware that I am nearing 25, I'm not a child anymore, but the goat kids were sooooo cute, and came right up to me looking for food. And the baby rabbits and guinea pigs were so little and adorable! I just enjoyed them all! We played a game of mini golf too, which was fun. And was neat to walk around and see the different plants and stuff. Overall, I just really enjoyed some time out with my boyfriend, seeing something new and enjoying a change of pace.

open mind

Did you ever notice how humanity tends to get stuck, how we put ourselves into these little boxes of what we know, are comfortable with, and believe? I've seen this so often in my own life. I've come from a religious/christian background, as most of you know, and over the last couple of years I have gradually felt my way out of that particular box. Looking back over the last few years of my life, seeing where I've been, has been eye-opening. You always see things more clearly looking back, eh? I was right into the new charasmatic, prophetic, spirit-filled movement. I went to conferences, church at least once a week. I believed in speaking in tongues and prophesying. And I was incredibly closed-minded and judgemental! I'm not about to go and say that the movement is wrong, or that the people in it are wrong, or anything even close to that. But I am going to say that I was stuck in a box. I thought I was free from religion and moving in the Spirit. I thought I was better than those stuffy churchy folk who just sat in church and did nothing. Afterall, I was free! I was listening to the Spirit and not being held by those religious constraints anymore! But I was still in a box. I still had my own constraints - new ones. I was still judging people and thinking I was better - it was just different people.

I was so judgemental of anything that was outside of my box. Anything that seemed new age. Anything that was "secular". Anything that was "worldly". I was incredibly narrow-minded and saw things as very black and white - if it's part of this movement where I am, then it's white, if it's "out there" then it's black. Things like Harry Potter, yoga, accupunture, non-christian music, alcohol, any kind of sex or anything too sexual outside of marriage - anything that seemingly "threatened" the values of the bible, or was too new age or eastern mystical. It was outside of my acceptable box and I judged it harshly!

But the interesting thing about a journey is that the scenery changes, the road changes, and often the destination and route changes. Few things are constant. I have since broken out of that box and opened my mind a little bit more. I can now see some of those areas where I was judgemental and closed-minded, where I formed an opinion too quickly without the facts, based only on what I believed, or those around me believed. There's nothing wrong with believing in things. We need to have morals, values, opinions. But I personally don't want to get stuck in them to the point where I don't see anything else or won't try anything new.

The journey has brought me a long way off that track I was on in the last couple of years. I have tried many new things - some of which are valuable and I have kept, others of which I discarded. I have opened my mind to other ideas, and have grown because of it. My one hope in this is that I won't simply go from one box to another, but that I will truly learn to be open-minded, without being so open that my mind falls out!

we danced

we thought we had it all together
we were doing fine
living each day as it came
never looking to tomorrow,
then we realized,
we were in the same place,
the same place we had been for forever
we hadn't moved
in all that time.
and the longing came
to know new things and new places,
to see more and do more.
but we didn't know how to move,
we were stuck.
we reached out our hands,
crying tears of longing and dreaming,
grasping for a helping hand to pull us,
tug us into a path of change.
and there you were,
touching our hands,
holding them and gently pulling
us onto the path to our dreams and destiny.
you were right there,
only waiting for us to reach
out.
right there,
ready to guide and encourage.
close by,
eager to give a helping hand
and be a friend indeed.
and we saw new things
and dreamed new dreams
watching and laughing as the world seemed to change
before our eyes.
adventures unfolded and thoughts and ideas
sparked our minds into new life,
playing the music of change and growth.
and we shared
our hopes and our thoughts,
opening our hearts to each other,
learning to be vulnerable
and growing stronger.
we danced the dance
and sang the song
of abundant life,
calling out
"this
is
flying!"

musical musings

Music speaks to my soul in a language that cannot be put into words. So does nature and art. It's a language that goes straight to the deepest part of me, bypassing the mind and striking a chord with my heart of hearts. It awakens a longing in me, a hunger,
but also a feeling like I'm on top of the world and flying, soaring the heights of the impossible, with the ability to do absolutely anything I desire. It is when I feel the most alive. It is when I feel the most sad, and the most happy. All at the same time. There is no way to put it into words, to describe it accurately or fully. Anne of Green Gables said it in a good way - but I can't even remember how she said it now. It was in the book, and I would probably have to read the whole thing again to find it. But when I read it a few years ago it amazed me to read it and realize that someone else knew the feeling and had tried to describe it. In some ways, it's the loneliest feeling I know.

I crave music. I hear something I like, something that calls to me, and I ache to be able to play it, to make that kind of music. I long to be a part of a band or some kind of musical group, or just have friends to play and sing with, harmonize with. I took it for granted when I had it back home in BC, and now that I don't have it I miss it incredibly! If I at least had a piano, it wouldn't be so bad, but I'm not good enough on the guitar to be able to just sit down and play whatever I want, or make up something. I don't have the freedom on it that I do on the piano. So I should maybe look into buying myself an electric piano or something. That would probably be a very good investment for me...

We were watching Speaker's Corner on CityTV the other night and there was one group who sang "All Hail King Jesus". It wasn't the song that impressed me so much, it was the harmony. It was a capella, of course, and they sang different parts and harmonized and it was beautiful! I miss singing harmony. Tried it a couple weeks ago. Jon and I went to a Christmas program at the church his ex-wife and kids go to, and there was the usual singing of Christmas hymns and whatnot. I tried harmonizing, singing alto, but in that group it was hard. Not sure why. Just didn't fit in. But that group on Speaker's Corner sure had it going on!

new year determinations

I don't make new year resolutions, because I would likely break them most of the time. I have been doing some thinking though and seeing things that I do want to change. So I have some determinations for this new year - things to work on and improve on. So these are my new year determininations:

Communication. I must learn to communicate better, to say what I am thinking and feeling, particularly in my relationship with Jon. Time to stop being afraid to speak my mind, and to say what I really want, really think, really feel. Even if I have to start with writing it down. I'm much better at writing things than speaking them, so perhaps that's what I need to start doing. I can write it out, then talk about it after if need be. But there are things I can start saying too. Just speaking up more in general.

Hobbies. I need to find a hobby or two. Maybe take dance lessons or something. I need things to do to get me out of the house, to meet new people, and do something that I can be passionate about! I am going to research dance lessons/classes and see what I can find, see what's available. Perhaps I will look into a place to take yoga too. And I would like to volunteer as a Big Sister as well. Just some things that I would enjoy doing, and that would expand my horizons.

Vacations. I am going to go away, out of the country, for at least one vacation this year. Go to Cube for a week probably with Jon. I've been wanting to do that. I haven't really been out of Windsor since last Christmas!!! That's not good. It's time to take a good look at my life, do some rearranging maybe, and start doing what I really want to do - including getting out of Windsor sometimes! I've lived here for a year and a half, and haven't even been to London or Toronto yet - and they're only a drive away!

Car. Along with the vacation thoughts, I've also been thinking about transportation. If I had a car, I would go more places. I could go to London or Toronto if I wanted to. As it is, I'm dependent on the bus system or Jon for a ride anywhere. With my own car, I would have the freedom to just go - with or without anyone else. I am going to have a look at finances and job situation and figure out what I need to do to be able to have a car again!

And that's the jist of it. My new year determinations. Basically things I've thought about and talked about before, things I've done to a point before as well. Just time to take it to the next step, go a little further.

So on that note, here's wishing you all a very happy, successful and prosperous new year!!!!