powerful or helpless - the choice is yours!

As I was journaling this morning, I was struck by the simplicity of this truth. In my particular instance, I was writing about relationship issues. Up to this point, I have had a tendency to see things in a relationship that I'm not satisfied with, areas where I'm not getting what I want or need, and then blame the other person - at least in mind, sometimes indirectly to them as well. I look at it as their responsibility to give me what I want and need.

Do you see the problem with this? I stumbled upon it this morning, although I've almost got it before. Whether I am going to be powerful or whether I am going to be helpless, the choice is mine to make! Let me explain a bit further, using the relationship example.

If I am not happy or satisfied with something in a relationship, and am just not feeling like I'm getting what I need or want, my first inclination is to blame the other person. I might try and do this constructively and talk to them about it, wording it in a way that hopefully doesn't make them feel blamed. I might try to talk it through, try to get them to see where I'm coming from, and then hope that they will take it to heart and change. If they don't, I may end up just leaving because it isn't "working out", or staying but feeling unhappy and unsatisfied. If they do change, the change won't necessarily last, and there will likely be something else that comes up eventually and we have to go through the whole process again. Throughout it all, I feel at least a little bit like a victim, helpless, like there is nothing I can do to change this or them.

Let's twist that whole scenario around and look at it from a completely different angle - the angle of power! I see something in the relationship that I am not satisfied with, an area where I feel I am not getting what I want or need. This time, instead of blaming the other person, I start to look at myself. Am I being the kind of person that attracts or draws that kind of quality from another person in a relationship? Apparently not if I'm not getting it! You see, relationships are two-way streets. We give and we take, we respond and we react to each other. He is responding to who I am, what I do, what I say, etc. If I look at the response I'm getting, which isn't what I want, then I know that there is something I am doing (or not doing) that is getting that response.

Ultimately, I have the power to choose what kind of person I will be, and what kind of partner I will be. When I look at it from a point of view that says the other person is responding to who I am and what I'm doing, then that puts the power back in my hands. I can then examine myself, my actions, my motives, my thoughts, etc. and see if they line up with the kind of person that would elicit the kind of response I want. Am I the kind of woman that attracts cherishing and desiring in men? Am I the kind of person that attracts understanding and sympathy? Am I the kind of person that attracts sensuality and romance?

When I look at myself in this light I can then see the areas that are lacking. I can see how my attitudes, my thoughts, my actions do not necessarily line up with the response I am wanting. I then know what to work on! I may want to working on learning to be sensual and sexy, or understanding and caring. I may want to work on being more soft, feminine and "weak" to attract more cherishing and care.

These qualities are things that I work on in me and for me. Learning to be more sexy and sensual is something that starts inside, with learning to love myself, to enjoy myself and everything around me, to be in the moment and truly experiencing life with a wonder and passion. Learning to be more understanding and caring starts inside as well, with learning to be more understanding with myself, more patient with myself. Once it has started inside, it will then start to reflect on the outside to those around me.

The beauty of this is not only that I have the power, but it is also something that will affect other areas of my life, and that will be with me for years to come. It's not something I change here and now for this relationship and that's it, rather these are qualities that will serve me for the rest of my life, no matter who I am with, where I go, or what I do. Sure, it may make things really great in the relationship I am in now, but it will also cause me to attract the kind of people with these qualities from now on as well.

This isn't to say that I shouldn't talk to the other person, share my feelings and concerns. And it isn't to say that just changing these qualities in myself will change everything in my relationship either. I may find that once I develop these things in myself, there is no longer the attraction in the relationship at all. We may not be compatible at all. Or the other person may have their own issues to address and deal with. There is always the human factor involved when there is more than just me. But I will now have the character, the confidence, the qualities needed to move on and continue to develop my life the way I want. I will continue to attract those things that are in line with who I am.

And I may find that changing these things in myself takes the relationship to a whole new level, where I have the confidence to be who I am, and they respond with the confidence to be who they are, where we are sexy and sensual, romantic and cherishing, understanding and caring - reflecting that and attracting it.

So this is the journey I am starting on today. I choose to be powerful in my own life. I choose to stop being helpless and blaming others for my unhappiness and dis-satisfaction. I am beginning a journey of self-discovery, self-development, where I will learn to truly be and love me, and develop the confidence to be who I want at all times, attracting those qualities in other people around me as well.

Remember, you attract whatever you focus on. Are you focusing on power or helplessness today?