what's in a name?

Okay, I admit it. I don't much like my name. I'm not sure why.

It's not that it's an awful name or anything. Maybe I'm just too used to it, and it feels so ordinary.

It's got me pondering what is in a name. Does my name have anything to do with who I am, or would I still be the same me if I was called something else?

My personal opinion is not yet established on this one. I'm inclined to think that it wouldn't matter what I was called, I would still be the same person.

But maybe that's not the case.

Would I feel different if I heard people call me by a different name? Would people's impressions of me be the same if they were introduced to me by a different name?

When I stop and think about it, I realize that my name does have a certain connotation for me. Jess means something different than Jessica, and Jesse has an even different connotation. They each create different pictures in my mind of who I am, what I am like, some of my characteristics, etc.

For example, Jessica is my official name, and has a connotation of being someone only known on paper. My friends and family do not call me that, and the only acquaintances who do are people who do not know me at all.

Whereas Jesse has a more homey, friendly connotation for me. That's the name my family uses for me, and it is very familiar. It is the version of my name that I have been called the most over my life, and has a big connection to that little girl that grew up in the woods of BC.

Jess is the nickname I have taken on more recently, and most of my "newer" friends know me by it.

One thing I have noticed, though, is that many of the people that I become acquainted with that eventually get to know me better, start calling me Jesse - even if I've been introduced as Jess. They generally use a combination - sometimes it's one, sometimes the other. I find it fascinating, though, that Jesse keeps coming into play even when I don't introduce myself as that, and rarely call myself that to other people.

So, what's in a name?

That is still open for debate. My ponderings have not led to any conclusions on this yet.

Have you ever thought about what your name means?