here's to you

you've seen me at my best
and at my worst.
you've been there
during the good days
and the bad.
you taught me all you knew
about life and love,
and you modeled
the same the best you could.
you let me make mistakes
though I'm sure it hurt to watch at times.
you built memories
that i will carry with me for the rest of my life,
and you instilled values
and courage
that have already seen me through tough days.
always you have been there.
always you have loved me.
we've had our differences
and likely will again,
but you mean the world to me,
because it was the world that you gave me.
i admire you
appreciate you
thank you
love you
for being the best parents that you could,
and the best that i could wish for!
so here's you to,
for giving me all that I needed,
and more,
for this journey of life.

colasanti's

I'm not the only one who's been thinking we need to get out and do things more. Jon was at the gym this morning and was thinking just that. As a result, he came home and said let's go to Colasanti's! For those of you who don't know, Colasanti's is a greenhouse/petting zoo/neat family place out by Leamington. It was a very nice outing, very affordable. I thoroughly enjoyed the petting zoo! lol. Yes, I am aware that I am nearing 25, I'm not a child anymore, but the goat kids were sooooo cute, and came right up to me looking for food. And the baby rabbits and guinea pigs were so little and adorable! I just enjoyed them all! We played a game of mini golf too, which was fun. And was neat to walk around and see the different plants and stuff. Overall, I just really enjoyed some time out with my boyfriend, seeing something new and enjoying a change of pace.

open mind

Did you ever notice how humanity tends to get stuck, how we put ourselves into these little boxes of what we know, are comfortable with, and believe? I've seen this so often in my own life. I've come from a religious/christian background, as most of you know, and over the last couple of years I have gradually felt my way out of that particular box. Looking back over the last few years of my life, seeing where I've been, has been eye-opening. You always see things more clearly looking back, eh? I was right into the new charasmatic, prophetic, spirit-filled movement. I went to conferences, church at least once a week. I believed in speaking in tongues and prophesying. And I was incredibly closed-minded and judgemental! I'm not about to go and say that the movement is wrong, or that the people in it are wrong, or anything even close to that. But I am going to say that I was stuck in a box. I thought I was free from religion and moving in the Spirit. I thought I was better than those stuffy churchy folk who just sat in church and did nothing. Afterall, I was free! I was listening to the Spirit and not being held by those religious constraints anymore! But I was still in a box. I still had my own constraints - new ones. I was still judging people and thinking I was better - it was just different people.

I was so judgemental of anything that was outside of my box. Anything that seemed new age. Anything that was "secular". Anything that was "worldly". I was incredibly narrow-minded and saw things as very black and white - if it's part of this movement where I am, then it's white, if it's "out there" then it's black. Things like Harry Potter, yoga, accupunture, non-christian music, alcohol, any kind of sex or anything too sexual outside of marriage - anything that seemingly "threatened" the values of the bible, or was too new age or eastern mystical. It was outside of my acceptable box and I judged it harshly!

But the interesting thing about a journey is that the scenery changes, the road changes, and often the destination and route changes. Few things are constant. I have since broken out of that box and opened my mind a little bit more. I can now see some of those areas where I was judgemental and closed-minded, where I formed an opinion too quickly without the facts, based only on what I believed, or those around me believed. There's nothing wrong with believing in things. We need to have morals, values, opinions. But I personally don't want to get stuck in them to the point where I don't see anything else or won't try anything new.

The journey has brought me a long way off that track I was on in the last couple of years. I have tried many new things - some of which are valuable and I have kept, others of which I discarded. I have opened my mind to other ideas, and have grown because of it. My one hope in this is that I won't simply go from one box to another, but that I will truly learn to be open-minded, without being so open that my mind falls out!

we danced

we thought we had it all together
we were doing fine
living each day as it came
never looking to tomorrow,
then we realized,
we were in the same place,
the same place we had been for forever
we hadn't moved
in all that time.
and the longing came
to know new things and new places,
to see more and do more.
but we didn't know how to move,
we were stuck.
we reached out our hands,
crying tears of longing and dreaming,
grasping for a helping hand to pull us,
tug us into a path of change.
and there you were,
touching our hands,
holding them and gently pulling
us onto the path to our dreams and destiny.
you were right there,
only waiting for us to reach
out.
right there,
ready to guide and encourage.
close by,
eager to give a helping hand
and be a friend indeed.
and we saw new things
and dreamed new dreams
watching and laughing as the world seemed to change
before our eyes.
adventures unfolded and thoughts and ideas
sparked our minds into new life,
playing the music of change and growth.
and we shared
our hopes and our thoughts,
opening our hearts to each other,
learning to be vulnerable
and growing stronger.
we danced the dance
and sang the song
of abundant life,
calling out
"this
is
flying!"

musical musings

Music speaks to my soul in a language that cannot be put into words. So does nature and art. It's a language that goes straight to the deepest part of me, bypassing the mind and striking a chord with my heart of hearts. It awakens a longing in me, a hunger,
but also a feeling like I'm on top of the world and flying, soaring the heights of the impossible, with the ability to do absolutely anything I desire. It is when I feel the most alive. It is when I feel the most sad, and the most happy. All at the same time. There is no way to put it into words, to describe it accurately or fully. Anne of Green Gables said it in a good way - but I can't even remember how she said it now. It was in the book, and I would probably have to read the whole thing again to find it. But when I read it a few years ago it amazed me to read it and realize that someone else knew the feeling and had tried to describe it. In some ways, it's the loneliest feeling I know.

I crave music. I hear something I like, something that calls to me, and I ache to be able to play it, to make that kind of music. I long to be a part of a band or some kind of musical group, or just have friends to play and sing with, harmonize with. I took it for granted when I had it back home in BC, and now that I don't have it I miss it incredibly! If I at least had a piano, it wouldn't be so bad, but I'm not good enough on the guitar to be able to just sit down and play whatever I want, or make up something. I don't have the freedom on it that I do on the piano. So I should maybe look into buying myself an electric piano or something. That would probably be a very good investment for me...

We were watching Speaker's Corner on CityTV the other night and there was one group who sang "All Hail King Jesus". It wasn't the song that impressed me so much, it was the harmony. It was a capella, of course, and they sang different parts and harmonized and it was beautiful! I miss singing harmony. Tried it a couple weeks ago. Jon and I went to a Christmas program at the church his ex-wife and kids go to, and there was the usual singing of Christmas hymns and whatnot. I tried harmonizing, singing alto, but in that group it was hard. Not sure why. Just didn't fit in. But that group on Speaker's Corner sure had it going on!

new year determinations

I don't make new year resolutions, because I would likely break them most of the time. I have been doing some thinking though and seeing things that I do want to change. So I have some determinations for this new year - things to work on and improve on. So these are my new year determininations:

Communication. I must learn to communicate better, to say what I am thinking and feeling, particularly in my relationship with Jon. Time to stop being afraid to speak my mind, and to say what I really want, really think, really feel. Even if I have to start with writing it down. I'm much better at writing things than speaking them, so perhaps that's what I need to start doing. I can write it out, then talk about it after if need be. But there are things I can start saying too. Just speaking up more in general.

Hobbies. I need to find a hobby or two. Maybe take dance lessons or something. I need things to do to get me out of the house, to meet new people, and do something that I can be passionate about! I am going to research dance lessons/classes and see what I can find, see what's available. Perhaps I will look into a place to take yoga too. And I would like to volunteer as a Big Sister as well. Just some things that I would enjoy doing, and that would expand my horizons.

Vacations. I am going to go away, out of the country, for at least one vacation this year. Go to Cube for a week probably with Jon. I've been wanting to do that. I haven't really been out of Windsor since last Christmas!!! That's not good. It's time to take a good look at my life, do some rearranging maybe, and start doing what I really want to do - including getting out of Windsor sometimes! I've lived here for a year and a half, and haven't even been to London or Toronto yet - and they're only a drive away!

Car. Along with the vacation thoughts, I've also been thinking about transportation. If I had a car, I would go more places. I could go to London or Toronto if I wanted to. As it is, I'm dependent on the bus system or Jon for a ride anywhere. With my own car, I would have the freedom to just go - with or without anyone else. I am going to have a look at finances and job situation and figure out what I need to do to be able to have a car again!

And that's the jist of it. My new year determinations. Basically things I've thought about and talked about before, things I've done to a point before as well. Just time to take it to the next step, go a little further.

So on that note, here's wishing you all a very happy, successful and prosperous new year!!!!

teh adventures of jess and heather...

Another girls' night out, and more adventure than we've had in a while. We usually seem to attract some attention - we can't help that we're two very attractive women, after all - but last night was more than usual. It was rather entertaining. Seemed like everywhere we went someone would start talking to us, or sending us drinks, or wanting to play pool with us. Seriously, they were all over the place! We started at Aardvarks Blues Cafe - it was fairly uneventful there, had a couple of drinks, listened to the live music, then went to Old School Club for a bit. Had a couple of drinks there. That was where the guy sent us drinks. We were standing at a table, drinking our drinks, chatting, people watching, etc, and this guy came over with two drinks and said some guy at the bar had sent them. Interesting. Then I went to use the bathroom and came back and there were two guys chatting with Heather. lol. Nice enough guys, though the one that then started chatting with me was a bit dull - not really all that interesting. I was ready to leave shortly after that.

Our next stop was The Honest Lawyer, to play some pool. It's our favorite pool hangout. So we drank some beer, shot a game of pool, and then left. Chatted with the doorman a bit on our way out - we are known at some of these places now - and then went to Koko Pellies. It's an older crowd there mostly. I like hanging out there. While we were at the bar about to order drinks a couple of guys came and started talking to us. Younger guys. Our age. They were rather interesting to chat with though. No dull conversation there! Talked about music and stuff. Got me wishing again that I had some musician friends to play with, maybe be part of a band again. I miss that stuff! Anyway, that was interesting and entertaining. We closed that bar - they were sweeping up as we were walking out the door. lol. Been a long time since we stayed that late! Was nice to have some good conversation though. But wait, the night didn't end there!!!

So we left Koko Pellies, the guys we were chatting with went somewhere to eat, and we decided to check in with my bar owner buddy and see if he wanted to hang out for a bit. He's always told me if we ever wanted to hang out after hours to just give him a call. Didn't reach him on his cell, but as we were standing in front of his bar trying to call him, someone came to the door, asked who we were and let us in. So we hung out with Pat and a bunch of his guys for a bit. And again, had some stimulating conversation with one of his bartenders. A really nice guy, seemed really honest and down to earth. Older - but didn't look it. We were both shocked when we found out how old he was! lol. He had some good stuff to say though, good view on things and good advice. We got to talking about relationships and differences between men and women and communication and stuff. Very interesting convo! Very insightful and made me think about stuff and realize what I need to work on with how I communicate in my relationships. It's always nice to get good advice from guys about shit like that.

So that was our interesting night. A good girls' night out, I would say - though my body might have argued with that this morning. Oy! I need to remember to drink more water when I go out, so I don't end up feeling like that! It's not pretty.

And that's it for this chapter in The Adventures of Jess and Heather....