cold vacations

Perhaps I shouldn't even be calling it a vacation. Vacation to me means warm, sunny, relaxing... And this certainly isn't all of those! Alberta is COLD, and so far the trip has held a fair amount of stress and fatigue. But then again, it HAS just begun! I arrived in Alberta yesterday morning, spend an hour or so on the phone with my credit card company trying to get my card to work for the rental car, then drove to Lacombe, where my bro Salem is going to school. Now I am just hanging out until he is done his last class this afternoon and we can head on out to BC-home. So I still have a 12 hour drive ahead of me before I can really relax - oh wait, I can't relax even then! We'll arrive home around 4am or so, then I have an appointment in Terrace (2 hours away) at 1:30 that afternoon to (hopefully) get my last retainer out. Then off to Prince Rupert (another hour or so) to hang out until Denver's wedding on Friday. Whew!!! Perhaps by Saturday I'll be able to just relax at home - but wait, I have tons of people to visit!

No, I'm not complaining. I'm just wondering why I call it a vacation! ;)

All in all, I am enjoying it so far - other than the rental car/credit card thing. I almost had to turn around and go back to Windsor, since without a car I'm screwed. But besides that, it's good to be out tripping around on my own again. Been a while since I went traveling all by my lonesome!

no need to apologize

I see a common thread in conversations and in relating to people. Everyone apologizes - and most of the time when they shouldn't! I am not excluding myself in this either. I catch myself saying sorry when it is something I should not be apologizing for. In essence, we often apologize for who we are, or for being ourselves. Anyone else have a problem with this?

I apologize if I'm in someone's way - even when I have as much right to be there as they do. I apologize for things I say, when I'm speaking honestly and saying what I really think. I apologize for the way I feel sometimes. What is wrong with this picture?

Frankly, I often say I'm sorry because I don't know what else to say. It just pops out, because I'm so used to saying it, and I don't stop and think about another answer. A clear-cut case of not thinking before I speak! But it's something I want to change. I want to learn to think more before I speak, and to be so confident in who I am that I feel no need to apologize for it!

run, fat boy, run

As "they" say, If you can't love yourself, then how can you expect anyone else to love you? Or, for that matter, how can you love anyone else? This is the one thing that I consider most important for myself. If I can't love myself, and be confident and excited about who I am, then how can I expect to really achieve what I want? I have to first believe that what I want is truly important, and that I deserve to have what I want. And that all stems out of loving me.

I have gotten to the point where I look in the mirror and actually like what I see. And I just love working out in front of the mirror too and watching my muscles and body respond. I tell myself frequently that I am sexy - and I actually believe it!

This is a long way from where I used to be. Particularly my teenage years, were very awkward and depressing. I didn't like how I looked and I didn't feel confident at all with myself. How far I have come since then! I look back over the last ten years and barely know the person I was then. I still have plenty of growth and development ahead of me, but if the next ten years are even half what the last then were, then I look forward to even greater leaps and bounds, because I now have a fantastic foundation to build on!

Jon and I watched a fabulous movie last night that got me really thinking about the next steps to take in my personal development. Run, Fat Boy, Run is one of the best movies I have seen in a long time (Iron Man is the other one). It is a comedy, with a really great message that stuck right with me. Usually I see these movies and sure, I see the message, but it doesn't necessarily personalize for me. This one did. I could relate to the character far too well! Like Dennis Doyle, I have often tended to run from things and give up when the going gets tough. As I watched him run that marathon, and finish, I thought, That is what I need! I need to do something extremely physical, that takes every ounce of determination and persistence I can possibly muster to finish.

So I'm starting with a workout program. And I'm giving myself a set amount of time - three weeks, which will take me up until my BC trip. I am going to watch my diet, take vitamins and protein shakes, and work out hard. When it comes to physical stamina and strength, I have tended to be a wimp, but no more!

The last month or so I've been really struggling with motivating myself, and have been fighting off depression and discouragement. My life was starting to feel so cluttered and scattered. I realized I needed to change something, but wasn't sure what. Part of the problem was that I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore - not clearly enough to really go for it, at least. This movie, and the determination and inspiration that it brought me, has given me something to work toward, something to put my energy into. Now I need to sit down and write some specific goals for the next three weeks, and I'll be on my way!

I still don't quite know what I want for my business, or other areas of my life, but I feel like I at least have something to put my heart into, and I know the rest will come. And I've got a great coach for this start, as well. Jon picked me up some vitamins and protein powder, and we're both going to be working on a menu to help us eat better - and he's good for suggestions for workouts too. I don't know if he'll go so far as to get out a spatula, like Dennis Doyle's coach did, but I know he'll be there when I need him, to encourage and even prod me along. And to point out the results as he sees them. Ah, I am blessed to have him in my life!!

My next personal development challenge - which I may take on at the same time - is to be more confident in interacting with people, to carry myself with more confidence and to learn to communicate with extreme confidence - especially in tense situations!

Look out world, here I come!

day from hell

First off I want to write a bit of a "disclaimer". I fully realize that much of what I write in this blog may be offensive to some of my readers. One comment after my last post made me realize just how many toes I may be stepping on. So I want to say, what I write here is in no way a personal jab at anyone. I am not trying to pick on anyone, or point at anyone. If what I say strikes you as being very personal (toward you) then please, take it to heart and see what you can learn from it (as we should with anything that strikes close to us), and if not, then please just brush it off. I am not talking about you.

That being said, on to the meat and potatoes.

Today was a bit of a day from hell. It was a Monday. And not only was it a Monday, it was a Monday after a hell of a weekend. Whew! Let's just say, I'm glad this Monday is almost over!!!!!!

I had my six month review for the self employment assistance program. I really really appreciate the financial support this program has provided me with, and I have learned a lot through their training as well, but there is a price to be paid for it!!! My six month review entailed the program director coming out to my place of business (my home office), going over my books and then deciding whether or not I get an extension. Oh boy. Oy boh. I'll sum it up. Don't want to drag you through the excruciating process... I got a 6 week extension. But I had to speak up for it. She wasn't going to give it to me, based on the "numbers" in my books. But then I pointed out that the last month, and this month, are looking much better, and she very reluctantly decided to give me an extension.

Now, I'm not one to sneeze at free money, but part of me was oh so tempted to say, "You know what? If you are that unsure about giving me an extension, then please don't bother!" I know I can make it on my own, and part of me is chafing at "sucking up" to the program director to get more free money. To be honest, I doubt I will be in the web design business for too much longer - I have my sights set on other things - and so at times I am unsure if it is even wise to continue in this vein. But experience breeds wisdom, and wisdom is as good as gold. I figure if I can make this business work for me in a year, then I will have that much more experience (and wisdom?) under my belt for my future endeavors! And so I stick with it. Not only that, but the process of building a business also increases your network. I have encountered people that I wouldn't have met otherwise - and am certainly much richer for it!

The rest of the day from hell was on the phone. I needed to call one of my student loans accounts to arrange a payment plan so I can get that all paid off, and I'm working through a credit counselor, so I can make all my payments in one shot. Oye. I had to call each place at least twice, because they kept saying, "oh, we don't do that, they are supposed to do [insert action here]." I hung up on one woman who was going on and on and wasn't listening to me. Felt a bit bad, but hey, she was probably glad the call was cut short! (I've worked at a call centre, I know I would've been! lol) I was getting so very very frusterated, particularly after what the rest of the day was like, and then I got a very nice gal on the phone at the credit counselors. Thank goodness! She understood what I was trying to do, spoke good english, and was very nice to talk to. I was able to get the matter taken care of! :D It certainly could have been worse!

So maybe it asn't quite a day from hell. In fact, it is now almost 7:30pm, the day is almost over, and looking back, it wasn't that bad. I stood up for myself with the program director - something I normally wouldn't do - and I managed to deal with call centre operators AND get my objective for the call done. The emotional stuff I was dealing with right off the bat this morning wasn't all that bad, and even though I felt discouraged during a good part of the day, I know in the end it's all going to be alright. Tomorrow is another day - a better one, I'm sure! - and we all have crappy days, after all. ;)

So I am moving up and moving on!!!! Yes, still on my quest to enlightened millionairedom, and more than ever determined to make my dreams come true - and those of others. Life is an adventure, after all. You never know what tomorrow will hold. Who will you meet? What opportunity will come your way? What new thing will you learn? Don't miss out on it, okay? Take that chance, that risk, and watch your life chance and blossom right in front of your eyes!!!

who wants to make money?

A friend of mine recently posted a note on facebook talking about how he was committing to double his income in the next 6 months and was looking for others who wanted to do the same. I enjoyed his note, as this certainly parallels what I have committed to do myself, but I was amazed at the negative responses he got. Some of the comments had me gaping and shaking my head.

People, especially "christian" people, seem to be shockingly threatened by someone wanting to make money. The comments in response to his post included digs and insults (subtle and righteous of course) that triggered a sad outrage inside me. He was as good as accused of being a "spoiled brat" who "needs" a private jet, big mansion and several expensive cars. The comments were defensive, as if people felt they suddenly had to defend themselves and explain why they didn't need or want more money. The theme was one that I have heard over and over all my life. "I have my wonderful friends and family, what more do I need?" along with references to "God's will in my life." And all of this simply because one man declared that he wanted to succeed financially!

What is the problem with money, and when and where did people get the idea that it is evil to want to make money? What is wrong with this picture? What kind of society ridicules and discourages someone wanting to be financially successful? What is this mindset that holds so many people captive - and broke or close to it? How have we become so ignorant when it comes to money?

Perhaps this is in danger of becoming my favorite personal rant. It is certainly a topic that causes me much concern, as I firmly believe we can all be financially successful and live the lives we desire and were meant to live - but so few people will let go of their current beliefs enough to realize that there may be a better way. They are "content" to live from paycheck to paycheck, putting their money into cars and houses, that cost them money instead of making more. They have not been taught how to make money work for them, and so they work for money. It seems to me that the real evil where money is concerned is this attitude and ignorance that enslaves people to money, instead of learning how it works and how to make it work for them...

i was never taught...

There are a lot of things that I was never taught - how to set and achieve goals, how to function in an intimate relationship (particularly sexually), how to make money work for me (instead of working for money), and many other things. In fact, I was raised with the opposite mindset with these things. I was taught to work for money, and the topic of how to function sexually was certainly avoided. Goals were talked about, but no actual training on how to go about it exactly. And these are all skills that I have come to believe are rather important to success in life!

So no, I wasn't taught these things, but I have been learning them as needed. And it fascinates me how easily we humans adapt to things, and how much we are capable of learning. We may not be brought up with a skill, but our brains are so amazing that we can literally program that skill right in with some training and practice - and it then becomes something we can do without thinking! Have you ever stopped and really thought about that?

I can do anything I want. I may not know how - yet - but I can definitely learn! It doesn't matter what I already know or don't know, it doesn't matter how I was raised, it doesn't even much matter what natural talents I have! I can learn and do anything I want to do - and so can anyone else.

We really have no idea of the power of our mind. We let ourselves slip into an everyday routine, doing what we know and not remembering that we have the power to do whatever we want and create whatever we want. For instance, did you know that if you set a goal, picture it in your mind, and do that continually every day, that your subconscious mind will see that, see the reality, and figure out a way to make that the reality? It will try to line things up, make it match, by doing whatever it takes to make that goal reality in your physical world. Yes, people, THAT is the power of your brain!

So you may not have learned something growing up, you may have been taught things that don't help you now, and not taught the things that you most need, but guess what? That doesn't matter, because you have the world's best computer in your head - and you can accomplish anything you want! :)

to be or not to be... healthy

I was having a discussion with someone the other night and suddenly had an interesting thought. The topic, I believe, was religion, or something similar, and my thought was a bit random, but perhaps related as well. I realized that while growing up, pretty much everyone around me was "health-conscious", vegetarian, and many of them were into the natural cures and all these drinks and vitamins and all kinds of natural healing. The shocking thing that I realized, was that many of those very people were sick a lot, and still are to this day. They do not enjoy the vibrant health that, according to their theories, they should. They may be overweight, or get frequent colds, or suffer from asthma or all kinds of allergies. Although they are proponents of health, they are not themselves healthy.

This realization caused me to stop and think. How does this apply to me? Well, either they had the wrong information - what they thought was healthy was indeed not, or they were missing some other piece of the puzzle. Perhaps it was a combination of both.

We all grow up with a set of beliefs and values, that we develop and personalize, but tend to cling to - anything outside of our beliefs is "wrong", "unhealthy", "bad", or any other number of labels that we pin to it. And yet everyone else also has beliefs, many of them dramatically different from our own. Who's to say who is right? Who is to say that your beliefs are right, and mine are wrong - or vice versa? I was raised in a social community that was very judgmental and rigid in their beliefs - anyone who didn't believe the same was wrong, and going to hell (or something similar). There was little room for being open minded, or for new ideas. Everything was doctrine, the way it had always been done. There was no "better way".

What does this have to do with the health issue? Believe it or not, it all ties in together. We get so stuck in our own beliefs, even when it comes to health, that we think we know what is right, and what will work, and are blind to other options. We do the same thing, over and over. We eat the same food, or if we try a new diet, we don't change our other habits so that it either doesn't "stick", or it doesn't have the affect we want because there is something else contributing to the problem. If we were open minded to trying new options - options beyond a new health product, or a new special diet - we would be far more likely to find something that works. What about emotional and mental blocks? What about a new mindset, where you picture yourself healthy? What about exercise - no, not boring "have to" exercise, but finding something you love doing that gets you moving and working.

More and more I find I am being challenged to open my mind, to be open to new ideas, and to try different things. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. If your health, or your life, isn't the way you want it, why keep doing things the same way? Do you think you'll get different results? Or would you be more likely to see things change if you tried something different, something you haven't done before?

Gasp. What a novel idea!