self evaluations

"Fools give you reasons, wise men never try."

Just heard this line in a song and it struck me, so thought I'd ad it to the blog entry I was just about to write. It made me think about my own life, and how I often try and give excuses, when really I don't have to. It really isn't anyone else's business why I do or don't what I do. I guess wisdom is knowing when you need to give a reason and when you don't - or at least that's part of wisdom. So often we try and give excuses and reasons, particularly for not doing something that we feel we are expected to, when really it doesn't matter. A simple "yes" or "no" would suffice.

I find myself analyzing me and my ways like this quite often of late. Why do I do or say the things I do? Why do I think like I do? What of these things are an essential part of me and should be kept, and what are just meaningless "fillers" or "defenses"? I'm at a point in my life right now where I am cutting out a lot of needless stuff - physical possessions, habits, spending patterns, time wasters. I am feeling the need to be more efficient with my time and focused with my thoughts and ambitions. How can I get to where I want to be and accomplish my goals and dreams with so much "stuff" weighing me down? From cluttered living space to cluttered thought patterns, I have a bit to clean up.

In this whole process, I have begun setting goals - specific goals. This is something I have never really done before. I always say, "I want this" or "I want to do that", and it's time to start setting specific goals and working toward having and doing those things. I'm starting with a car. My goal is to have one by the end of April. This will require changing my spending habits, working harder to get website clients, and starting my car shopping now so that I know what I want and am ready to go for it once I have the finances in place. It gives me three months to put this into action, and I am confident I can do it. I am fed up with the public transport and the time I waste waiting for and riding the bus - now every ride will be a reminder of what I am working toward and serve as an incentive to work harder toward that goal.

I am also finding that I need to change my living space, modify it and unclutter it. I have been spending more time there and less time at Jon's, which has been good for both of us, but it's not a very good space to spend much time in right now. I need to organize and utilize the space better. I've been sleeping on my little couch because I put the bed up to make more room, and this is not working. So I will be going shopping for a nice foam mattress that I can put up during the day, but will be better for my sleeping habits. And eventually, I will be moving into my own apartment once again.

I joined the gym yesterday. Another self-improvement. I am going to start working out and taking yoga. I haven't started either yet. The first yoga class it tomorrow night, and I'm waiting for a callback to set up an orientation for the gym and a session with a personal trainer to get started on the workout part. Yes, I am serious about this, and I am going to do it right! I know I want to workout and get my body into good shape, but I have no idea where to start, so I figure a personal trainer is a good idea. And I'm excited about the yoga too. I've been wanting to take it for a while, and I think it will be a great way to learn to relax, as well as limber up my body.

Overall, I am feeling quite positive about my life and direction it is going. I feel like I am finally starting to get things together and head in the direction I want to go. It feels good! :-)